The First
Ever University of Michigan Medical Fantasy Football League (UMMFFA) Primer:
Everything A Beginner Needs To Know To Win (From Someone Who Never Has)
I, Rob
Huang, with the power invested in me as Commissioner and all-around cruel
dictator, hereby declare Jon Godin and Ryan Davis conditional members of
UMMFFA. Welcome, gentlemen. In this posting, you will find everything you need
to know to succeed in this league. But first, it is my duty as commissioner to
let you know a few basics.
1) You are required to follow the
laws of the constitution, which is attached in its most updated form. You are
subject to any and all penalties within should you fail to do so.
2) As conditional members, you
are automatically on probationary status. This does not mean you are in trouble
for something. It just means that we're and occasionally curmudgeonly bunch who
do not know if you will be trustworthy and active. Is conditional members, you
do not yet have a vote on the Members Council, but may participate as
observers. As members on probation, that means that, at the end of the season,
all active members in good standing will vote as to whether or not to move you
to active status, leave you on probation for another season, or drop you from
the league all together.
Whew, glad
that is out of the way. You might be wondering why there are so many rules.
Well, the biggest reason is that I'm entirely out of my mind. Also, we needed a
fair, known way to settle any disputes with rules/other managers that developed
over the course of the season. Finally, due to a variety of...problematic
issues that occurred during the early years of the league, we needed a way to
assure league stability. What's that, you ask? You're not familiar with the ins
and outs of what happened during previous season? Well, I'm glad you asked,
because I just happen to be an expert historian.
A History
of UMMFFA, Part I: The Dark Ages
UMMFFA
was founded for the 2007 NFL season with Ryan Good as commissioner (being one
of the few with any FF experience) with 14 (!) founding members: Ryan Good,
Travis, Jason, Scott, Kyle, Donel, Drew, Peter, Ryan Davis, Phil, Karen, Nava,
Annie/Carissa, and myself. We were all relatively inexperienced and naive at
that point in time, and we took everything much less seriously. So, overall,
the goal was to be inclusive and "just have fun."
We had
considerably less fun than we do now, for a variety of reasons. First and
foremost, 14 people was too many. If you imagine everyone starting one QB, and
some people having backups on their roster, it wasn't too long before people
began starting Trent Dilfer, Alex Smith, Eli Manning (during his dark years),
and other Ryan Leaf-esque players.
The
bigger problem, however, was inactivity. Karen was in another FF league, and
since her team sucked, she quickly phased us out (much like she was phased out
of our social circle). Annie/Carissa never figured out how to log on. Nava
would randomly drop a type 5 RB because she didn't know better. And Ryan Davis
was too big of a brown noser to get his shit together and manage his team.
Turns out you can't study 23 hours a day and play FF, too.
At the
end of the season, we discussed the path going forward, and decided that,
instead of going through the drama of telling people that we did not appreciate
their lackadaisical behavior in managing their teams, we would instead just
restart the league without them and feign ignorance.
So, in
year 2, we took it back to basics: ten teams, with all of the girls (including
Ryan Davis) unceremoniously ejected. However, the astute reader will note that
Phil's name has not yet been addressed. He was an active member during season
1, making the playoffs and overall causing no problems. However, just as Phil
began to become withdrawn in real life, he became somewhat withdrawn from FF.
In season 2, Phil was the new Ryan Davis. He didn't start players, his team
sucked, and overall disrupted the flow of the league. So, as we had with those
before him, Phil was shunned and not reinvented to participate.
A History
of UMMFFA, Part II: The Fantasy Football Revolution
With Year
3 approaching, our league had an opening. Everyone knows that leagues with an
odd number of teams are overall worse than those with an even number, so we had
a decision to make about recruiting a new member. Given that we had been burned
repeatedly, the big thing we were looking for was someone with a) proven
fantasy experience who b) was a fellow medical student who could be easily kept
track of. Enter: Kim Vanderzee.
What Kim
had going for her was extensive fantasy baseball experience. Fantasy Baseball,
in my eyes, is Fantasy Football's more complex and demanding but ultimately
less fun half-brother. There's all this stuff about saves and RBIs and games
happen constantly without any real winners or losers. Really riveting stuff.
The thing Kim had going against her was that she was a woman, and women had
proven notoriously unreliable in our leagues history. However, she was given a
shot based on good faith, and while her team had some ups and downs (see the
'2012 Primer' section below for more information), she has been a good, active
player, whose fortunes, it appears, are on the rise.
Season 3
was also the year we left limp, flaccid snake drafts behind and commenced with
our throbbing, erect auction drafts, which we still use today, with nearly
universal acclaim. In fact, season 3 and 4 have been called (mostly by me)
"The Quiet Years," because everyone was satisfied with the status
quo. After Season 4, however, that all changed. Empowered with Matthew Berry's
words of wisdom, we grouped together and implemented a keeper system to attempt
to give teams some continuity from year to year. This, theoretically, would
allow people to have more ownership over their teams, and encourage long term
planning over flash in the pan luck.
This
didn't exactly happen. The keeper plan that was devised, while brilliant, was
complicated and occasionally confusing. Also, it generated a community of haves
and have-nots, with the concern that bad teams would be sentenced to being bad
forever, while good teams would rule the day permanently. While there we're
safeguards in place for this, people were getting impatient, and voted, at the
end of Season 5, to table keeper for the time being. This was met with much
resentment, particularly by Peter, a perennial bottom feeder who was just
acquiring the powers to create a killer keeper team. As will new described
later, this poor luck for Peter is not only unsurprising but should have been
anticipated and expected.
Finally,
the final big decision that was laid down at the end of season 5 was the
addition of you fools. All votes are confidential, but their results are not,
so it is important to note that the vote for your respective inclusions was 6
to 4. So don't be lay, don't forget to manage your team, and don't be Ryan
Davis. Even if you are Ryan Davis.
2012
Preview: A Team by Team Breakdown
What
follows is the best possible guide (for newcomers and old timers alike) to the
teams of our league. This is an impossible, Herculean task, given that all of
the players of said teams are, as of now, unknown, and, unlike in real
football, all attempts at prognostics are impossible. That being said, I am a
big believer that history has shown us trends that can be helpful.
Ryan Good
Last
Season: 10-3 (1st place)
Ryan
Good's teams are defined by a consistency in their inconsistency. One of the
hardest teams to predict, Ryan Good has had some epic meltdowns (the 6-0 to 6-7
season comes to mind), and epic victories. He nearly always begins as one of
the most hyped teams due to his general draft mindset. As last year's draft was
skewed by our keepers system, I have left it out of my general conclusions.
Also, keep in mind that, with their trends laid bare, I'm sure all these
tendencies will be reexamined and changed
When
drafting, Ryan tends to go big. He typically is an early pick big spender,
spending the vast majority of his budget on a few big players. He will be in
the mix of a top QB, RB, and WR, usually spending up to 80-90% of his budget,
then rolling the dice on the rest. His livelihood will then live and die with
the productivity of his Drew Bree's, Ray Rice, and Andre Johnson, equivalents.
Fun fact:
Ryan Good has never had back to back successful season. He missed the playoffs
in 2010, the season before his big win; and despite a strong season in 2009 he
did poorly in both 2007 and 2008. History does not bode well for a repeat
victory.
Team:
Travis Langley
Last
Year: 7-4-2 (2nd Place)
Travis
has never finished worse than 4th place. In 5 seasons he has always made it to
at least the second round of the playoffs. That being said, he has also never
won. That means five consecutive season of finishing between 2nd and 4th. It's
kind of mind boggling how consistent his teams are, especially given the fact
that it's an entirely different team each year. It's also surprising he hasn't
been able to win. Bridesmaid forever.
In the
draft, Travis is hard to define. He's clearly well researched, because he tends
to know who he wants...and he gets them. I have no proof of this, but I believe
he drives up the prices on players other managers want more than they should.
He also is rarely fooled by a bargain price on an overrated player. He'll
compete for some big names, but appropriately. While Ryan Good will often bet
the farm on some #1 guys, regardless of price, Travis drafts smart, which is
both frustrating and annoying.
Travis is
a smart bet to make the playoffs, and will likely make the run for the
championship. The question, however, is whether or not he can win...and time
will tell.
Team:
Drew Flum
Last
Year: 10-3 (3rd place)
Drew
followed up his winning 2010 campaign with the best regular season record in
2011. He subsequently fell victim to the Curse of the #1 seed and subsequently
managed only a 3rd place finish. He was one of the bigger benefactors from our
one season of keepers, because he had displayed no such brilliance in his
previous seasons. The question remains as to whether or not Drew will be a new
power player or if he will revert to his 5th place or worse ways.
Drew has
few discernible tendencies in regards to big names during the draft. He does
tend to end up with a couple of if names, but, unlike Ryan Good, doesn't
usually end up broke after picking up 3-4 players. He will often take a kicker
and a D/ST early, often for more than $1, and has been known to bring up Nate
Keading for auction every year in the first round or two.
I am
reserving judgment on Drew as of this time. This draft will define his path
forward and the season as a whole will give us better clarification on whether
Drew was bolstered solely by the keeper system or by his own improvements in FF
skill.
Team: Rob
Huang
Last
Year: 9-4 (4th place)
Last year
was a landmark season for Team Bob, as, in my fourth playoff appearance, I
finally won a playoff game. I am what you might call a perennial 6th place
team. Through a variety of luck, trades, and one player blowing up, I typically
have a playoff caliber team that goes nowhere. I would argue, also, that I was
another of the benefactors of the keeper system, and I rode Arian Foster and
Gronkowski all the day to the second round before my inevitable meltdown.
Reviewing
my previous drafts, I tend to draft in the Jason/Scott school of conservatism.
I'm an anxious draft fretter who plays conservative and ultimately never gets
anyone I want. I rely on getting that lucky rookie or beleaguered veteran. I do
not endorse this strategy, and have ultimately lost years or my life doing
this.
For the
upcoming season, I will likely revert to scrapping it out for a 5th-7th place
finish.
Team: Kim
Vanderzee
Last
Year: 6-6-1 (5th Place)
When Kim
entered the league, she started behind. Each of us had 2+ years of experience
on her, and it showed. For the first two seasons of her tenure, she got rocked.
Some had questioned if she had what it takes.
Last
season answered some questions, with her first playoff appearance and playoff
win. It wasn't the prettiest of seasons (with two playoff teams at .500), but
beggars can't be choosers.
Kim
rarely drafts herself, which might be her problem. The Queen of the Autodraft,
I can't really comment about her styles.
For Kim,
as for myself and Drew, this will be a defining season. Does she replicate her
success, or revert to her old ways?
Team:
Scott Baker
Last
year: 6-6-1 (6th place)
With the
first five teams, we spoke a lot about teams trending in the right direction.
Obviously, that means there must be some managers trending in the wrong
direction. Interestingly, despite never missing the playoffs, Scott is one of
those downtrending teams. This is, in part, due to where he started; over the
first three seasons he finished 2nd, 1st, and 1st. No one can keep up that
level of dominance, and his teams have turned from proven champions to
long-shot contenders over the past couple of seasons. While still far from a disaster season,
Scott's 2011 season was a disappointment, and his team clawed it's way into the
playoffs where he subsequently got his clock cleaned.
Scott is
one of the founders of the conservative draft philosophy, and perhaps one of
its masters. I consider Scott to be someone who ends up with a team of 2nd and
3rd round picks, with few all out busts but less top tier prospects. He will
shell out big bucks for players he is particularly enthused about, but he
typically loses in head to head battles over said players, most specifically to
me for Arian Foster back in 2010. He is generally speaking quiet early in the
draft and a heavy factor in the mid to late stages.
I expect
Scott's team will re-emerge as a power player with the keepers attempt behind
us. I do not know if he will challenge for the title but as the most consistent
player not named Travis, he must always be considered a preseason contender.
Team:
Donel Sequea
Last
Season; 1-11-1 (7th place)
While we
often don't pay much attention to the consolation bracket, it's worth noting
that Donel, who could manage only one win all season, managed three consecutive
wins in the consolation bracket to finish in 7th place. Donel is a bit of a
wild card in our league, sort of a Ryan Good-light. He, in his five seasons,
has been all over the place, with a second place finish in 2010 as well as
multiple finishes in the bottom two. Also, based on his early draft, it's impossible
to tell how terrible he'll be; his players will spontaneously underperform or
over perform based on random chance.
During
the draft, Donel has been known for getting the big player. He will put up big
bucks for the consensus #1 and has no problem doing so. His team will generally
be fairly well balanced, and while not conservative, he hasn't gotten himself
into Kyle or Ryan Good-esque fund busting disasters, either.
I believe
Donel is probably a good bet to be a middle of the pack player, likely a 5th-8th
finisher. His inconsistency makes him hard to predict, both for good and for
bad. When I called him a Ryan Good light, I meant it. But instead of flashes of
brilliance, he has flashed of competence.
Team:
Jason Feuerman
Last
Year: 6-7 (8th Place)
Jason,
after winning the inaugural season and performing consistently strong during
the subsequent two, has now had two consecutive losing seasons and missed the
playoffs in both. A FF mastermind, Jason has nonetheless suffered from some key
missteps over the past few seasons.
You see,
Jason tends to spend his free agent auction budgets fast and furiously,
subsequently keeping him out of the running for most key players later in the
season. He is able to keep his team afloat by sheer skill and willpower, but he
hasn't been able to return to the height of his previously glories. Also, he's
sort of the mad genius of the bunch, and a little bit evil.
If you
look up Jason Feuerman in the dictionary, the third definition states: "a
style of drafting marked by careful research, conservative fund management, and
amassment of a high number of quality players over a small amount of
superstars." he's the Oakland A's of UMMFFA. Anything I said about Scott's
drafting style is also true to for Jason's, only more so.
I expect
this will be Jason's year to return to glory, for a couple of reasons. First,
it's hard to keep down someone with the sheer amount of research and
wherewithal he has. Also, let's not forget Defensegate. Last season, Jason
failed to successfully acquire a defense one week because of being outbid; had
he had that defense, he would have won that game and subsequently made the
playoffs. After having a year to curse our names, I expect he will return with
vengeance, and hell hath no fury like a Jason scorned.
Team:
Peter Emiley
Last
Season: 5-7-1 (9th Place)
Peter
has, almost invariably, been a league bottom feeder. This is not entirely his
fault. Both the curse of fate and some almost unfathomable bad luck has insured
four straight years of deep sadness and losing seasons. Last season was not one
of his worst, but it still wasn't particularly great.
Peter is
the master of losing close games; if the scores of each team are I thin 5,
Peter will probably lose. He also managed 3 torn ACLs in 3 weeks last season,
which is ridiculous. Through no fault of his own, the universe hates him.
Though, this might be his fault, because he is a terrible person.
When
drafting, Peter skews conservative, but he knows what he needs and will shell
out big when behind the eight ball at a certain position. Keep in mind,
however, that whoever Peter drafts will likely go out for the season, so pray
he doesn't pick anyone you like.
I cannot
in good faith predict Peter will be good this year. He was in a good place to
succeed after two keeper seasons and will likely suffer the most from the rule
change. History does not suggest karma will turn around for him, unless he has
become a much better person.
Team:
Kyle Bohm
Last
Season: 2-11 (10th Place)
6th
place. 3rd place. 4th place. 5th place. Those
are the ultimate finishes of Kyle’s team during seasons 1-4. He
has always been a sort of mini-Travis when it comes to his FF consistency,
finishing well each season but not quite at the top. Of course, last season
threw that all out the window.
What went
wrong? Well, mostly the problem was his schedule. Not his FF schedule…his ortho schedule. Kyle missed the draft, and after the
computer drafted just about every shitty player in existence, he season was
more or less sealed. While a lesser man would have bitched and moaned, Kyle
rolled the karma dice and took it in the face for sixteen weeks, and this year
attests that he will be able to draft his own team.
Kyle’s draft strategy (pre computer meltdown) has historically
been of the go big or go home variety. Like Ryan Good, he will spend big and
then piddle around for $1 players at the end of the draft. He will typically
have a couple of proven stars and a larger roster of scrubs…some of which, of course, will rise to the occasion.
Assuming
he drafts himself, history is on Kyle’s side. A playoff birth would
have to be expected, and he is amongst the 6 teams with a winning record…even after Computer Buffalo Dung stunk it up.
Final
Predictions based on nothing at all:
Likely
Top 5 Playoff Teams (in no particular order)
Jason
Scott
Travis
Rob
Kyle
Fighting
for the sixth spot
Drew
Kim
Will look
like they have a chance but really were never contenders
Donel
Godin
Ryan Good
Bumped to
the minor leagues mid-season
Peter
Ryan
Davis
These
predictions, again, are based on nothing but historical tendencies, which are
meaningless with teams constantly recycling. It is worth nothing that I have no
idea how Godin and Davis will do…I’m extrapolating data from when Kim joined the league to
predict his season trajectory, and all expectations for Davis will be low until
proven otherwise.
Now, for
some real league business…
Customized Fantasy Football Schedule!
So, I was
playing around with the League Manager tools on ESPN and found out I could do a
variety of things that had been as of yet uncharted territory. I found out I
could change everyone’s team names (which I did, for
fun. I promise to stop abusing this power). I found I could edit free agent
auction dollars (which will be saved for punishments) as well as rosters final
scores (which I swear to never do). What I also found, however, is that I could
make a custom schedule.
Since we
off’d the idea of divisions (which
might come back at some point, but for now are a moot point), I decided instead
to create rivalry games.
Each of
your schedules is handcrafted, with three separate Games of Great Importance.
Week 7:
Friendly Rivalry
These
represent what I consider a Michigan vs. Michigan State sort of rivalry. Sure,
we these teams may hate each other sometimes, but in the end, both teams have a
hometown Rick’s, so they’re more alike than different. Matchups include
Jason vs.
Travis
Kyle vs.
Donel
Rob vs.
Scott
Godin vs.
Peter
Kim vs.
Ryan Good
Drew vs.
Davis
(all of
these games have a logic, but I’m not going to blow my wad
early and let you all know them yet)
Week 10:
Out of Conference Grudge Match
These
games represent a Michigan vs. Notre Dame scenario. Storied programs who hate
each other, but ultimately have bigger fish to fry. Match ups include
Kim vs.
Donel
Peter vs.
Davis
Jason vs.
Kyle
Rob vs.
Ryan Good
Drew vs.
Godin
Travis
vs. Scott
Week 13:
Arch-Nemeses Forever
Your
classic Michigan vs. OSU bloodbaths. Hopefully, these games will successfully
have post-season implications.
Kim vs.
Drew
Peter vs.
Rob
Jason vs.
Scott
Kyle vs.
Travis
Godin vs.
Donel
Ryan Good
vs. Ryan Davis
I’ve been known to overuse the trophies in the past, but I’ll temper that use to keep a manageable trophy tally that
only counts important things…such as rivalry games. I’ll keep y’all updated.
Something I Should Have Mentioned Before, But Forgot
Remember
those fines from last year? I kept a record of them…if you’ve already paid your $50, that’s cool, we’ll let the fines simmer for
awhile, but if not, here is the total you need to pay to Ryan Good…
Kyle: $74
Rob: $54
Jason:
$52
Kim: $52
Scott:
$52
Jon: $50
Davis:
$50
Good: $50
Travis:
$50
Drew: $50
Peter:
$50
Donel:
$40 (you won 10 buck for winning the consolation bracket. Woohoo!)
Ryan, if
you get paypal working, let me know, I’ll get you that $4.
This will
be the last WNQ you will get from me via email. The rest you’ll have to catch on the league website…or, if you miss one, at ichooseweswelker@blogspot.com
