Wednesday Night Quarterback: Week 7 Busy Schedule Edition

Old posts: http://ichooseweswelker.blogspot.com/

So I just worked 5 days in a row.

I know, all of your surgeons out there are sitting there thinking, “oh, poor Rob. He had to work five straight days in the emergency department! Boohoo! I work 30 days a month, 18 hour days, mostly in the standing position over a prone patient requiring a hip replacement/prostate removal. Suck it up pussy!”

I will admit, my schedule, compared to all of y’alls, is still pretty nice.

I will, however, make the claim that no one spends more time WORKING when at work than in EM. Sure, I’m only there for 12 hours. But I don’t break for lunch, I don’t check my email, I don’t even get to see the score of the Michigan game. While Ryan the pediatrician gets to web surf after rounds until closing time and Drew the Urologist finishes up morning cases and then bums around until check out time and Travis…well, I won’t pretend he actually works, I’m running around the whole time. Which is in and of itself not too bad…but it makes my WNQ suck.

After this weekend we will be over the hump, so to speak. In the modern 10-team format, a 6-win team will make the playoffs 55% of the time. You know what that means? Drew has effectively cleared the point of where, even at this point in the season, he is more likely to make the playoffs than not even if he loses every game from this point on. And we’ve NEVER had a 7-win team NOT make the playoffs…so Drew is one win away from effectively guaranteeing himself a playoff spot.

I’m going to throw it out there and say Drew CANNOT be stopped. He’s 60, the highest scoring team in the league, and just an absolute beast. It’s like an assumed loss when you play him. Drew could go undefeated. He could go all the way. That would be a ridiculous way to start the whole “top-record, top-scorer, league-championship” bonus that was just implemented.

The parity in the league right now is also astounding. There are only three teams in the league with more than 3 wins. That effectively means all of the 2-win teams are very much still in the race for a playoff spot. Heck, Donel isn’t even out of the running quite yet, though he would need quite a run. I will, however, effectively eliminate Kyle from the equation.

Ranking Update

In a week where only one team could break 100, we actually had two players enter the record book. Peter’s Jets entered D/ST at #10 and Scott’s K, Cundiff, entered into a tie for second. For the record, Scott has the #1 and #2 Kicker of all time and 3 of the top 6. No one else has more than one in the top 8. Trust Scott’s choice of Kickers. He is a monster.

Coaches Ratings

LBPs for the week:

Rob: 11

Kim: 10 (that tricky Bears D/ST)

Scott: 4

Jason: 16 (Rashard Mendenhall laughed in Jason’s face to 20 points)

Kyle: 3 (Kyle is rapidly running out of realistic options for his team)

Travis: 0 (that son of a bitch)

Ryan: 2

Drew: 1

Peter: 1 (even with only two players on the bench Peter managed an LBP)

Donel:7

Season totals:

1) Travis: 39 points ; Last week 1

2) Peter: 42 points ; Last week 2

3) Donel: 49 points ; Last Week 3

4) Rob: 53 points ; Last Week 3

5) Ryan: 76 points ; Last Week 5

6) Drew: 79 points ; Last Week 6

7) Scott: 83 points ; Last Week 7

8) Kim: 90 points ; Last Week 8

9) Kyle: 96 points ; Last Week 10

10) Jason: 102 points ; Last Week 9

No big changes this week; Jason and I both dropped one spot but otherwise things have been relatively stable.

Wednesday Night Quarterback: Week 6 Hurt Locker Edition

This is a bad month for WNQ.

I’m in the ED this month, so when I’m there, I have no down time. When I was in the ICU (September), or when I’ll be on Neurosurgery (November), the quality of these posts will be higher. Until then, expect shorter WNQs.

Also, my football IQ is at an all time low. I work every Sunday this month, so I haven’t really seen a football game all of October. When I pick up players I’m just sort of praying they work out. Every once and awhile I’ll turn on the TV and learn that RB X is injured and RB Y is now a hot prospect. I’m running about a week behind, so take advantage of me now while you can!

So here’s the first ethical dilemma of the season!

Article IX, Section 2 of the Constitution clearly states: Failure to Start a Player at a Required Position when a player of that position is available on your roster results in a $2 fee.

First, I’d like to everyone know that I’m editing this part of the constitution due to the fact that this should not only apply to when you have a team on your roster who can play; it should be at all times. Now, I won’t pull that back retrospectively, but I wanted to make everyone aware. It’s a technical loophole that needed to be fixed.

However, you may have noticed that, last week, Kyle failed to start a TE, despite having Jeremy Shockey on his roster.

So what to do? Technically, he’s subject to a $2 fine for negligence. It’s sort of like rubbing dirt in a dying man’s face, however. At the current trajectory Kyle is on, he will finish the season with 878-879 total points scored, which would be the lowest ever. He is currently the resounding underdog in all of his future matchups, and might run through the entire season without a win. And this, one might say, is all because of the pesky computer autodraft.

Do I uphold the fine and spit in Kyle’s eye, or do I waive it and effectively make the constitution meaningless?

I’m going to uphold it, but I don’t think we’re calling for instant repayment. I’ll create a log of fines that can be kept track of; if at any point a team who wins a cash payout  at the end of the year has fines due, this total will be subtracted from their payout, and the cash will go into the axillary fund. If not, the fine will be tacked on to dues from the next year.

Now, to update the record books from the past two weeks:

Sebastian Janikowski, K, moves into #2 all time on the Kickers list. Also, props to Kim’s D + K putting up over 40 points. Practically unheard of.

Manager Evaluation: Week 4 and 5!

Rob: Week 4: 4 points + Week 5:  0 points

Scott: Week 4: 19 points + Week 5: 2 points (that pesky TE)

Donel: Week 4: 15 points + Week 5: 14 points

Ryan: Week 4: 19 points + Week 5:  4 points

Kyle: Week 4: 24 points + Week 5: 32 points

Peter: Week 4: 2 points + Week 5: 9 points

Drew: Week 4: 22 points + Week 5: 0 points

Kim: Week 4: 15 points + Week 5: 8 points

Travis: Week 4: 30 points + Week 5: 3 points      

Jason: Week 4: 23 points + Week 5: 15 points     

Of note: Kyle’s team actually would have put up just under 100 points if he had maximized his starting lineup. Not that that would have beat Scott, but it would have helped.

Also, the LBP #s from here on out I expect to drop drastically due to Bye weeks. I had 0 LBPs this week, but that’s because my entire bench was on Bye. Not that impressive, in that sense. Given that some teams were more Bye heavy than others, these numbers might end up a little skewed until we get to the point where all players have had their Bye week

Total LBPs:                                         Previous Rank                        Proficiency

1) Travis: 39 points                                     1                                   [1.0]

2) Peter: 41 points                                      3                                   [0.951]

3) Rob: 42 points                                         5                                   [0.928]

3) Donel: 42 points                                      2                                   [0.928]

5) Ryan: 74 points                                       7                                   [0.527]

6) Drew: 78 points                                      8                                   [0.5]

7) Scott: 79 points                                      10                                  [0.494]

8) Kim: 80 points                                         9                                   [0.488]

9) Jason: 86 points                                      6                                   [0.453]

10) Kyle: 93 points                                      4                                   [0.419]

Some big shifts in the rankings this week, most notably Ryan, Drew, Scott, and myself with multiple spot gains, big falls for Jason and Kyle, and some equalization of the proficiency rating now that Travis’s team isn’t so perfect.

A few things to take away from this:

1) With Travis’s30 LBP in Week 4 the coaching field has been evened. While still on top one bad call in any given week could easily send him down a few spots

2) There is a clear distinction between the Top 4 and the Bottom 6 when it comes to proficiency. HOWEVER, only one of those teams, mine, is about 0.500. What this GENERALLY means is that teams with high coaching proficiency but a poor win-loss ratio have poor bench depth…or all their players just suck.

3) Jason and Kyle have both seen their Coaching rating plummet but for very different reasons. As Jason’s team has improved, his bench depth has gotten stronger leading to more tough calls on who to start and, thus, more LBPs. Correct me if I’m wrong, Dr. Bohm, but I would relate Kyle’s precipitous drop to a general apathy for his “Computer Dung” team.

4) Winning record teams hold spots the middle four spots, which makes sense, as the middle spots tend to signify a decent amount of depth combined with above-average coaching skills. I would expect a computer model to have three shallow, losing teams in the top 3 and three poorly managed, neglected teams in the bottom 3 of the poll. Thus far, my hypothesis is correct!

That’s all for this week because I’m so gosh darned busy. Kim, if you beat me this week I sweat to got I’ll give you a hysterectomy. 

Wednesday Night Quarterback: The 30.7% Mark: Week 5

Wednesday Night Quarterback: The 30.7% Mark: Week 5

We’re just over 3/10ths of the way into the regular season. Damn, right? It seems like just yesterday that we were fretting over who would be willing to spend the big bucks on the only good RB on the board, Jamaal Charles (whoops), deciding to spend big keeper $$ on Peyton Manning (whoops), and dividing our ten-team league into two divisions, one of which would have Kyle (win). As another league, our own Big Ten, has recently waded into the division format as well, I thought it would be appropriate to describe the teams in our league in more college-football friendly terms.

Drew “Wisconsin” Frum

 Undefeated. The highest points total in the league. Every win by more than 30 points. At this point in time I find no argument against the statement that Drew is the class of our league. He has the #1 QB and the #1 D/ST in the league right now, as well as three other type 5-position players (Forte and Jackson, tied at #4 for RBs, and Rackers, the Houston Kicker). Drew is averaging just a smidge under 120 points per game, which, if he can keep it up, projects him for 1560 points this season…the highest ever. I know I’m not doing any prognosticating this season, but it’s hard to see him as anything other than the odds on favorite.

Rob “Michigan” Huang

Yes, I made myself Michigan, because I can. But I think it’s apt. Both the Maize and Blue and my team are undefeated, though it ain’t always pretty. Both of our teams have looked ugly offensively at times (despite my 4-0 record, I’m 5^th in points scored), and gotten embarrassingly lucky at opponent’s misfortunes (opponents are averaging 75 points a game against me. Dios mio!). While my team is CERTAINLY going to come back to Earth at some point (here’s looking at you, inevitable repeat matchup with Scott!), the 4-0 start begs the questions: can I really AVOID going Bowling? I think not. Go blue!

Ryan “Illinois” Good

Ryan’s team is drearily competent. He has yet to score less than 104 or more than 112 points in a week. He is the picture of consistency. What our league has shown year after year after year, consistency never, EVER wins championships. The number of #1 seeds to win the conference championship? That would be zero.  Until last year the winner of the league had never been better than a #4 seed. Ryan seems destined to finish with about 8 wins; he will beat everyone who plays at all below average but has no chance of beating the hot teams, which right now seem to include a lot of people. I also have to remember that, like Illinois, Ryan Good embodies the term “flash in the pan.” We all remember the infamous 6-0 to 6-7 meltdown of ’08 Ryan. Or at least I do.

Scott “Nebraska” Baker

Scott’s team is the only team that, week for week, can attempt to put up numbers like Drew’s just as consistently. Another member of the “I Always Score 100” Club, Scott, much like Nebraska, has proven his ability to shit all over his fresh sheets when the moment arises. A team that puts up 150 points one week will promptly have a meltdown and manage to lose to a team battling through above-average mediocrity. It’s hard to imagine how Scott is 2-2 with how much talent he has on board…but he does. It might be because as a Manager, Scott is an alcoholic mess. See the text messages of the week for more proof of this.

Travis “Michigan State” Langley

The only team besides Drew to hit 150 thus far this year in a single game, Travis is really MSU to a tee: no matter how good his team is, he is finding ways to lose to inferior competition. What’s that? I won my last two games by a total of 110 points, including one win over Scott “I Put Up Points Like Tiger Bags Hookers” Baker? I know! I’ll score 58 against Jason. Jason! Jason is Travis’s Notre Dame, it seems. No matter how bad Jason is or how good Travis is, he just can’t seem to pull that one off.

Kim “Northwestern” Vanderzee

So Kim remains in the 6^th playoff spot as of Week 4…a big achievement for this upstart team. Kim’s team is SO Northwestern, and not simply because she lives in the actual northwest. She’s that team that just doesn’t quite click…even when it’s clicking. She’s pulling out wins and firing on all cylinders but just hasn’t quite put all together yet. Her players are too busy focusing on academics, I guess. While they might be great bankers one day, she hasn’t quite found that spark.

Jason “Ohio State” Feuerman

I never count Jason out. EVER. He is conniving, weasel-like, and oh-so-good at fantasy football. He has this uncanny knack to trade and waiver-wire his way to the top, and you just KNOW that if he’s in the playoffs he’s going to do something terrible. He may be paying his players with stolen cars and tattoos but he’s making it work, as evidenced by his 115 points this week, his season high. And as you all know, we love hating Jason’s fantasy football team, the OSU of all FF teams. Jason is such a Tressel.

Donel “Purdue” Sequea

After six years of knowing Donel I still struggle deeply to spell his last name. Donel’s team is the most storied of our bottom feeders, with a history of decency. But lately, Donel has not been clicking. Sure, he can beat the FCS schools (sorry, Kim), but against bigg fish he’s looked like, well, a burnt up old Blount.

Peter “Minnesota” Emiley

It’s not even fun to make fun of Minnesota. They’ve been bad for so long, had so many unfortunate turns of events, that their constant blow out losses become sort of embarrassing. It’s like, hey, you’re so bad, we want you to succeed! Do it, man!

Substitute “Peter” with “Minnesota,” and you’ve just about got it. The only way the similarity can be closer is if Peter has a seizure.

Kyle “Indiana” Bohm

When’s basketball season? He’ll take you down in basketball any day!

I’m skipping Takeaway Points this week…because I’ve basically already done it!

Tidbits O’ Knowledge

What do our very early individual records mean for each team’s playoff chances? Let me break this down…

Question: Has a team with an 0-4 start ever gone on to make the playoffs?

No. We have only had two teams before this year ever start 0-4, and only one in the modern era, Kim during Season 3. Kim started 0-7 before finishing 4-9, in 8^th place. Ryan Davis also started 0-4 on a way to a 3-10 start back in Season 1.

To this illustrious club we add Kyle. TO WHAT DEPTHS CAN HE SINK?!?

Question: Are our one-win wonders still in the running?

Besides the obvious that, since there are 5 teams with 1 win or less, it would be impossible for one NOT to make the playoffs, in three of the previous four seasons a team who had a 1-4 record or worse went on to make the playoffs.

In Season 1, I bounced from 1-5 to 7-6 to make 7^th place, which back then meant playoffs.

In keeping with that trend, I started Season 2 1-4 before rebounding to 6-7 for a 5^th seed.

Finally, in Season 4, Scott started an astonishing 1-6 before finishing at 6-7 for a 6^th seed in the playoffs.

Question: Has a team with a 4-0 start ever gone on to miss the playoffs?

No. Only four teams had ever won at least their first four games: Phil (4-0, Season 1), Travis (5-0 Season 2), Ryan (7-0, Season 3), and Kyle (5-0, Season 4). All of those teams finished as #1 seeds except for Phil, who was seeded 5^th.

Question: Is 3-win Ryan safe from collapse?

Funny you should ask! Back in Season 2, Ryan started off 6-1 before collapsing to a 7^th place finish at 6-7, missing the playoffs.

Around The League

Transactions are getting kind of boring what with no trades and few big money players being taken. So I’m absorbing Spotlight on Transactions into Around the League until further notice. DEAL WITH IT!

Manager Evaluation: Week 4

I’m super behind this week because I work all nights. I’m going to roll this over until next week. I am so lazy. AND/OR I’ll update this later this week when I get the chance.

Text Messages of the Week

Scott: My team is done. I got too drunk last night and didn’t make the lineup changes that I wanted.

Travis: Fuck. Whats the deal with NY WRs hamstrings

One Random Thing

I’ll think of something good, I just need to fine it…