Wednesday Night Quarterback: The 30.7% Mark: Week 5
We’re just over 3/10ths of the way into the regular season. Damn, right? It seems like just yesterday that we were fretting over who would be willing to spend the big bucks on the only good RB on the board, Jamaal Charles (whoops), deciding to spend big keeper $$ on Peyton Manning (whoops), and dividing our ten-team league into two divisions, one of which would have Kyle (win). As another league, our own Big Ten, has recently waded into the division format as well, I thought it would be appropriate to describe the teams in our league in more college-football friendly terms.
Drew “Wisconsin” Frum
Undefeated. The highest points total in the league. Every win by more than 30 points. At this point in time I find no argument against the statement that Drew is the class of our league. He has the #1 QB and the #1 D/ST in the league right now, as well as three other type 5-position players (Forte and Jackson, tied at #4 for RBs, and Rackers, the Houston Kicker). Drew is averaging just a smidge under 120 points per game, which, if he can keep it up, projects him for 1560 points this season…the highest ever. I know I’m not doing any prognosticating this season, but it’s hard to see him as anything other than the odds on favorite.
Rob “Michigan” Huang
Yes, I made myself Michigan, because I can. But I think it’s apt. Both the Maize and Blue and my team are undefeated, though it ain’t always pretty. Both of our teams have looked ugly offensively at times (despite my 4-0 record, I’m 5th in points scored), and gotten embarrassingly lucky at opponent’s misfortunes (opponents are averaging 75 points a game against me. Dios mio!). While my team is CERTAINLY going to come back to Earth at some point (here’s looking at you, inevitable repeat matchup with Scott!), the 4-0 start begs the questions: can I really AVOID going Bowling? I think not. Go blue!
Ryan “Illinois” Good
Ryan’s team is drearily competent. He has yet to score less than 104 or more than 112 points in a week. He is the picture of consistency. What our league has shown year after year after year, consistency never, EVER wins championships. The number of #1 seeds to win the conference championship? That would be zero. Until last year the winner of the league had never been better than a #4 seed. Ryan seems destined to finish with about 8 wins; he will beat everyone who plays at all below average but has no chance of beating the hot teams, which right now seem to include a lot of people. I also have to remember that, like Illinois, Ryan Good embodies the term “flash in the pan.” We all remember the infamous 6-0 to 6-7 meltdown of ’08 Ryan. Or at least I do.
Scott “Nebraska” Baker
Scott’s team is the only team that, week for week, can attempt to put up numbers like Drew’s just as consistently. Another member of the “I Always Score 100” Club, Scott, much like Nebraska, has proven his ability to shit all over his fresh sheets when the moment arises. A team that puts up 150 points one week will promptly have a meltdown and manage to lose to a team battling through above-average mediocrity. It’s hard to imagine how Scott is 2-2 with how much talent he has on board…but he does. It might be because as a Manager, Scott is an alcoholic mess. See the text messages of the week for more proof of this.
Travis “Michigan State” Langley
The only team besides Drew to hit 150 thus far this year in a single game, Travis is really MSU to a tee: no matter how good his team is, he is finding ways to lose to inferior competition. What’s that? I won my last two games by a total of 110 points, including one win over Scott “I Put Up Points Like Tiger Bags Hookers” Baker? I know! I’ll score 58 against Jason. Jason! Jason is Travis’s Notre Dame, it seems. No matter how bad Jason is or how good Travis is, he just can’t seem to pull that one off.
Kim “Northwestern” Vanderzee
So Kim remains in the 6th playoff spot as of Week 4…a big achievement for this upstart team. Kim’s team is SO Northwestern, and not simply because she lives in the actual northwest. She’s that team that just doesn’t quite click…even when it’s clicking. She’s pulling out wins and firing on all cylinders but just hasn’t quite put all together yet. Her players are too busy focusing on academics, I guess. While they might be great bankers one day, she hasn’t quite found that spark.
Jason “Ohio State” Feuerman
I never count Jason out. EVER. He is conniving, weasel-like, and oh-so-good at fantasy football. He has this uncanny knack to trade and waiver-wire his way to the top, and you just KNOW that if he’s in the playoffs he’s going to do something terrible. He may be paying his players with stolen cars and tattoos but he’s making it work, as evidenced by his 115 points this week, his season high. And as you all know, we love hating Jason’s fantasy football team, the OSU of all FF teams. Jason is such a Tressel.
Donel “Purdue” Sequea
After six years of knowing Donel I still struggle deeply to spell his last name. Donel’s team is the most storied of our bottom feeders, with a history of decency. But lately, Donel has not been clicking. Sure, he can beat the FCS schools (sorry, Kim), but against bigg fish he’s looked like, well, a burnt up old Blount.
Peter “Minnesota” Emiley
It’s not even fun to make fun of Minnesota. They’ve been bad for so long, had so many unfortunate turns of events, that their constant blow out losses become sort of embarrassing. It’s like, hey, you’re so bad, we want you to succeed! Do it, man!
Substitute “Peter” with “Minnesota,” and you’ve just about got it. The only way the similarity can be closer is if Peter has a seizure.
Kyle “Indiana” Bohm
When’s basketball season? He’ll take you down in basketball any day!
I’m skipping Takeaway Points this week…because I’ve basically already done it!
Tidbits O’ Knowledge
What do our very early individual records mean for each team’s playoff chances? Let me break this down…
Question: Has a team with an 0-4 start ever gone on to make the playoffs?
No. We have only had two teams before this year ever start 0-4, and only one in the modern era, Kim during Season 3. Kim started 0-7 before finishing 4-9, in 8th place. Ryan Davis also started 0-4 on a way to a 3-10 start back in Season 1.
To this illustrious club we add Kyle. TO WHAT DEPTHS CAN HE SINK?!?
Question: Are our one-win wonders still in the running?
Besides the obvious that, since there are 5 teams with 1 win or less, it would be impossible for one NOT to make the playoffs, in three of the previous four seasons a team who had a 1-4 record or worse went on to make the playoffs.
In Season 1, I bounced from 1-5 to 7-6 to make 7th place, which back then meant playoffs.
In keeping with that trend, I started Season 2 1-4 before rebounding to 6-7 for a 5th seed.
Finally, in Season 4, Scott started an astonishing 1-6 before finishing at 6-7 for a 6th seed in the playoffs.
Question: Has a team with a 4-0 start ever gone on to miss the playoffs?
No. Only four teams had ever won at least their first four games: Phil (4-0, Season 1), Travis (5-0 Season 2), Ryan (7-0, Season 3), and Kyle (5-0, Season 4). All of those teams finished as #1 seeds except for Phil, who was seeded 5th.
Question: Is 3-win Ryan safe from collapse?
Funny you should ask! Back in Season 2, Ryan started off 6-1 before collapsing to a 7th place finish at 6-7, missing the playoffs.
Around The League
Transactions are getting kind of boring what with no trades and few big money players being taken. So I’m absorbing Spotlight on Transactions into Around the League until further notice. DEAL WITH IT!
Manager Evaluation: Week 4
I’m super behind this week because I work all nights. I’m going to roll this over until next week. I am so lazy. AND/OR I’ll update this later this week when I get the chance.
Text Messages of the Week
Scott: My team is done. I got too drunk last night and didn’t make the lineup changes that I wanted.
Travis: Fuck. Whats the deal with NY WRs hamstrings
One Random Thing
I’ll think of something good, I just need to fine it…
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