Wednesday Night Quarterback, Playoff Week 2: I Know For Whom the Bells Toll

And the bells toll for Scott Baker.

But I’ll get to that.

First: congratulations and au revoir to Kim. Team Fem put up a good fight but is exiting from the upper echelon of the playoff bracket with a loss to me this week. Kim’s 97 is nothing to scoff at, especially since I scored 40 points in my first round playoff game last season. I sweated out the entire Rams game, because even though I knew it was unlikely for Steven Jackson to put up 31 points, it wasn’t impossible. Thank goodness he plays for the godless Rams.

While Kim’s game with me was likely all drama I made up in my head, Scott and Travis played a real barn-burner (I’ve never written that term down before. Is there a hyphen?). I got this text at 9 pm on Sunday:

Travis: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My season just broke along with DeMarco Murrays kankle (sic)

And, at the time, it did seem that way, unless Tony Romo somehow pulled out a, say, 28 point performance mostly in the last two minutes of the game to stun Scott.

Scott’s response:

Scott: Can I win my next two and still get third?

Me: Nope, you’re destined for 5^th or 6^th

Scott: Well fuck then

Both Scott and Jason are out of the playoffs by the end of the first round. Two years in a row! And Scott loses, for the second year straight, to Travis in the first round. Say goodbye to the past boys, the future is now.

In other news (ie, Consolation Bracket), Maleficent and the Poisoned Apples posts the highest score for the week in his win over Donel, only fueling the growing conspiracy about defense gate. “I would have won my first round game!” Maleficent says, twirling his pointy beard. “First, the playoffs, then the world! Curse you squish mittens! I will have my revenge!”

And in a “how low will he sink” moment, Peter manages to lose to Kyle, albeit a Kyle getting 37 points from MJD.

Due to how the consolation bracket is working this year, The Donel vs. Kyle matchup is realistically a fight for a playoff spot. ASSUMING Jason beats Peter (which is a slightly unfair but not unrealistic assumption), that will put Jason in the 7^th place game and Peter in the 9^th place game. Kyle has one win, but a loss to Donel would give Donel the tiebreaker, putting him into the 7^th place game.  If Peter beats Jason and Kyle wins, Kyle makes the 7^th place game as the only 2-0 team. If Donel beats Kyle and Peter beats Jason, with all teams at 1-1 the total points scored come into play, and given that Donel scored the same as Kyle this week, he’d only have to score less than 5 points less than Peter to make the 7^th place game.

It’s that complicated/simple!

Also, in Byes, Drew put up 83 and Ryan put up 103. While Drew is looking like an also-ran, Ryan might end up being the team to beat. Here’s to predicting a Ryan-Travis finale showdown!

Record Roundup

Just because the regular season is over doesn’t mean Gronkowski is ANY LESS AMAZING. With his 28 points for me this week, not only do the Nebraska Patriots move on to the second-round of the playoffs, but Gronk moves into #1 on the all-time TE list. Gronk now officially holds 5 spots in the top 10 (#1, #3, #5, #7, #9) and is the only TE to post a score over 20 this year.

Scott’s Lions D/ST enters in a tie for #10 on the D/ST list. Scott loses and the Lions win? This is a bizarre world, ain’t it.

Ryan’s kicker, Mason Crosby, also comes in at #10. Yawn. Any kicker scores under 17 just puts the player into a mindless tie with a hundred other kickers. Try harder, Mason Crosby.

The big story this week was the return of MJD, putting up 37 points for Kyle hapless CPU Edition Team. The CPUs managed to off Peter, mostly because of MJD and Larry Fitzgerald. That score is actually high enough to place MJD at not only #5 on the RB list but also #11 on the All-Time list. Kudos to you, Mr. Bohm.

Fines

Technically there are no new fines this week, though I will pose this question:

Is it wrong of Drew to start an inactive player when on Bye?

I’d argue no, since it doesn’t matter. Technically he broke a rule in the constitution (he started Matt Forte who was clearly out) about starting an inactive player, but when you’re not even playing a game I think that is poor form but acceptable.

If there are any dissenters to this opinion, let me know.

Kyle: $14

Rob: $4

Jason: $2

Kim: $2

Fun Picture!

Wednesday Night Quarterback Week 13: And Then There Were Six

After all the time I spent putting together the possible playoff scenarios over the course of two weeks, Peter and Jason were officially knocked out of the playoffs. Kim sits currently in the 6^th place with a record of 6-5-1, and neither Jason nor Peter can attain that record with a win this week. Thus, the playoffs are set. Congratulations to all those who made it. Adios to those who did not.

I’d comment on the teams that were eliminated, but that’s for next week. For now…

Playoff Seeding

Sure Things:

1: Drew

2: Ryan

3: Rob (so close, yet so far from a bye week)

As for the following seeds, these are up for grabs. Also, all six playoff teams are in a matchup with another playoff team this week, making for a mini-playoff icebreaker. Travis can claim the fourth spot with a win, but this would have to come over #1 seed Drew. Scott has to go through me for his win, and Kim needs to go through Ryan. I can’t predict what will happen, because its very likely all three of the teams will lose, but if I had to pick one to win, I’d say Scott.

Records from Last Week

Drew Brees’ 36 points moves him into a tie with himself on the QB list at #6, ironically bumping himself from the #10 spot. It also moves him into 14^th on the all-time all around list

Data Watch

Drew, now with 1255 points this season, is 22 points behind the 10^th all-time best scoring team, making it almost certain he will make the list in some capacity. The question is, how high? Drew’s team has tuckered out late in the season, and in all likelihood he’ll probably finish somewhere around 1330, which would be enough for 8^th place.

Ryan, meanwhile, is at 21 points behind Drew. While his place on the list is also virtually assured, the biggest question is, can he pass Drew? Remember, at the beginning of the season we created a pot to go to whoever finishes with the best record, the highest points scored, and the championship over the course of a single season. If Ryan scores 21 points more than Drew, that option is off the table.

Scott, at 1209 points, is the only other member of the league with a realistic chance of making the top 10 scoring list. However, if all three of them pass the magic number (1279), then the magic number becomes 1306, requiring Scott to put up, minimum, 97 points to be considered, unless he passes Ryan in the process.

On the flip side, any team currently with less than 1100 points is at risk of joining the list of sadness, ie, the worst offensive teams of all time. Kim, at 1058 is unlikely to make that list, as her chance of putting up 42 points is nearly 100%. Jason, while very likely to finish with less than that number (he’s currently at 1004), there are three teams with lower score totals than him and only one with a realistic chance to pass him (Peter at 971).  In effect, Jason would need to finish with less than 1082 points to be in realistic consideration for the All-Time Bottom Ten List, which is still possible but would require a subpar week.

Peter, at 971, is very likely to finish under the 1100 marker. His chance of getting under 1089, the third-lowest total on the list, is low. Really, his challenge this week is to reach the critical number of 35, which represents the number of points more than Jason he must score this week. While he’d still likely finish on the Bottom Ten list, he’d get to say he’s better than Jason, which is a nice feeling.

Donel, at 941, is mathematically assured a spot on the Bottom Ten list. A score of 167, the all-time high score for a non QB-inflated team, would put him at 1108 and bump him above the line. The chance of Donel ever doing this is zero. His operative number is 30: He must score 30 more points than Peter to gain superiority over his nemesis.

Kyle is sitting at 836 and his chance of missing the Bottom Ten list is zero. The real question is whether or not Kyle will manage to be the worst team of all time. Ryan Davis currently holds that distinction with a score of 921 during his only season. Kyle needs 85 points to avoid this distinction. This one’s coming down to the wire, folks!

Lost Bench Points

As people get desperate, LBP numbers rise across the board…

Rob: 14

Peter: 14

Donel: 9

Kyle: 25

Scott: 9

Ryan: 3

Kim: 15

Drew: 20

Jason: 34

Travis: 7

1) Donel: 86 points (last week 1)

2) Travis: 87 points (last week 2)

3) Scott: 111 points (last week 4)

4) Peter: 112 points (last week 3)

5) Rob: 122 points (last week 5)

6) Kim: 134 points (last week 6)

7) Drew: 164 points (last week 7)

8) Ryan: 194 points (last week 9)

9) Kyle: 213 points (last week 8)

10) Jason: 247 points (last week 10)

Fines!

Who gets fined? Kyle gets fined.

Kyle: $2 for injured Rian Lindell. He’s on the disabled list. This is not questionable.

Fines Totalled:

Kyle: $16

Rob: $4

Jason: $2

Kim: $2

Other Random Thoughts

I’m not going to shoot my load too early, because I’ve got a big post coming next week. No more for you!