Wednesday Night Quarterback, Playoff Week 2: I Know For Whom the Bells Toll

And the bells toll for Scott Baker.

But I’ll get to that.

First: congratulations and au revoir to Kim. Team Fem put up a good fight but is exiting from the upper echelon of the playoff bracket with a loss to me this week. Kim’s 97 is nothing to scoff at, especially since I scored 40 points in my first round playoff game last season. I sweated out the entire Rams game, because even though I knew it was unlikely for Steven Jackson to put up 31 points, it wasn’t impossible. Thank goodness he plays for the godless Rams.

While Kim’s game with me was likely all drama I made up in my head, Scott and Travis played a real barn-burner (I’ve never written that term down before. Is there a hyphen?). I got this text at 9 pm on Sunday:

Travis: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My season just broke along with DeMarco Murrays kankle (sic)

And, at the time, it did seem that way, unless Tony Romo somehow pulled out a, say, 28 point performance mostly in the last two minutes of the game to stun Scott.

Scott’s response:

Scott: Can I win my next two and still get third?

Me: Nope, you’re destined for 5^th or 6^th

Scott: Well fuck then

Both Scott and Jason are out of the playoffs by the end of the first round. Two years in a row! And Scott loses, for the second year straight, to Travis in the first round. Say goodbye to the past boys, the future is now.

In other news (ie, Consolation Bracket), Maleficent and the Poisoned Apples posts the highest score for the week in his win over Donel, only fueling the growing conspiracy about defense gate. “I would have won my first round game!” Maleficent says, twirling his pointy beard. “First, the playoffs, then the world! Curse you squish mittens! I will have my revenge!”

And in a “how low will he sink” moment, Peter manages to lose to Kyle, albeit a Kyle getting 37 points from MJD.

Due to how the consolation bracket is working this year, The Donel vs. Kyle matchup is realistically a fight for a playoff spot. ASSUMING Jason beats Peter (which is a slightly unfair but not unrealistic assumption), that will put Jason in the 7^th place game and Peter in the 9^th place game. Kyle has one win, but a loss to Donel would give Donel the tiebreaker, putting him into the 7^th place game.  If Peter beats Jason and Kyle wins, Kyle makes the 7^th place game as the only 2-0 team. If Donel beats Kyle and Peter beats Jason, with all teams at 1-1 the total points scored come into play, and given that Donel scored the same as Kyle this week, he’d only have to score less than 5 points less than Peter to make the 7^th place game.

It’s that complicated/simple!

Also, in Byes, Drew put up 83 and Ryan put up 103. While Drew is looking like an also-ran, Ryan might end up being the team to beat. Here’s to predicting a Ryan-Travis finale showdown!

Record Roundup

Just because the regular season is over doesn’t mean Gronkowski is ANY LESS AMAZING. With his 28 points for me this week, not only do the Nebraska Patriots move on to the second-round of the playoffs, but Gronk moves into #1 on the all-time TE list. Gronk now officially holds 5 spots in the top 10 (#1, #3, #5, #7, #9) and is the only TE to post a score over 20 this year.

Scott’s Lions D/ST enters in a tie for #10 on the D/ST list. Scott loses and the Lions win? This is a bizarre world, ain’t it.

Ryan’s kicker, Mason Crosby, also comes in at #10. Yawn. Any kicker scores under 17 just puts the player into a mindless tie with a hundred other kickers. Try harder, Mason Crosby.

The big story this week was the return of MJD, putting up 37 points for Kyle hapless CPU Edition Team. The CPUs managed to off Peter, mostly because of MJD and Larry Fitzgerald. That score is actually high enough to place MJD at not only #5 on the RB list but also #11 on the All-Time list. Kudos to you, Mr. Bohm.

Fines

Technically there are no new fines this week, though I will pose this question:

Is it wrong of Drew to start an inactive player when on Bye?

I’d argue no, since it doesn’t matter. Technically he broke a rule in the constitution (he started Matt Forte who was clearly out) about starting an inactive player, but when you’re not even playing a game I think that is poor form but acceptable.

If there are any dissenters to this opinion, let me know.

Kyle: $14

Rob: $4

Jason: $2

Kim: $2