Wednesday Night Quarterback, Week 6: Timeless Trends and Teams Trapped in the Past

*Note, this week's WNQ may be even shoddier than usual as I'm working all week with no breaks.

There are some thing I've come to rely on in Fantasy Football. And I'm not talking about Matthew Berrys' podcast or the power of a good trade or the fact that Joseph Addai will always be injured for the rest of time. I'm talking about the trends that, year in and year out, will always be fashionable in our fantasy league. Let me present a few of them that are either well on their way to being true or need a little boost to get there.

1) The Curse of the Early Front Runner

I've harped on this before, (and I've lost access to the old leagues, so I can't do my research on this point), but is there any doubt that getting off to an early start is the kiss of death for you fantasy football team? We're all familiar with Ryan's epic 6-0 start as well as his epic 6-7 finish. But we forget the times when Travis, long-considered the dominant team, loses in the playoffs to a much luckier Scott Baker team, which I feel like happens every year. Did Kyle's great suckiness this week remind you of what happens to the frontrunners? For reference, at the end of the second round of games, Kyle still had managed only 9 points. 9! Somebody up there hates Kyle.

2) Playoff Inequity

Our playoffs tend to be like MLB playoffs in that the same teams go every year, with a couple of stragglers thrown in there representing the "hope of the underdog." Case in point: in 3 previous seasons, five teams have made the playoffs every time: Kyle, Travis, Jason, Scott, and Donel (with Donel being the NFC West of the bunch and having zero chance of winning. Regardless!). The other spots have rotated through myself and Drew, though, for all you loyalists, you'll remember the 10 team playoff of our monstrous 14 league team included a ton of people...though I still don't know if Peter was amongst them.

So what does this mean? Well, certainly, Kyle and Travis are in position to repeat their playoffs runs/inevitable losses to Scott or Jason in the finals, sitting at #1 and #3 in our league (the beforementioned curse nonwithstanding). Donel, also, at #2, looks like he's on the right track. And Jason, as up and down as he is this season, is sitting pretty at #5. Unfortunately for our consistency, #10 Scott, while not mathematically eliminated, has a desperately uphill battle to the playoffs. That leaves an unheard of two open spots, ones that myself, Drew, and Kim (!?!?!) are in the hunt for.

3) The Curse of Peter Emiley

Peter has lamented his status as unfortunate league punching bag multiple times in the past, showing off his 3-10 record while boasting 100000 points scored but 100001 points against. Peter's team isn't looking much better this season, but Scott is the one wearing the Shawl of Shame at this point. Scott's losses thus far this season have been by 2, 9, 1, 6, and 1 point. He actually has a positive PF/PA ratio...with only one win! This is the kind of mindboggingly unfortunate statistic usually only slathered on Peter's team. Somewhere inbetween this season and last Peter clearly stuck Scott with a hypodermic needle full of bad karma.

4) Jason + The Waiver Wire/Free Agent Auction

Jason has made 24 acquisitions in 6 weeks. 4 players per game! He leads the league in said stat, as well as in activated players, which I'm not sure what it is, but probably means hes playing a lot of different people all the time. Ridiculous! Now, he's well off his 90+ pace of years before, but it's not for lack of trying, just lack of funds.

Fun fact: Donel has started just 13 different players this season, to Jason's 55. 13! I writhe with envy.

5) All girls who play in our league stink

Up for review! To be determined, pending Kim's resurgence vs. meltdown.

Text Messages of the Week!

I was in Ann Arbor watching these games with Scott, so I don't really have any text messages from him.

Me (to Kyle, after all his early game starters had just finished): Nice 4 points.
Kyle: My guys decided to take the week off

Awards Roundup 

Commissioner's Spotlight on Awesomeness: Ryan Good

He won a game! He scored 101 points! Turns out you can teach a dead dog new tricks.

Commissioner's Blackout on Suckiness: Kyle Bohm

It was looking iffy for awhile as to whether or not Kyle would be able to reach double digits. Guaranteed fail.

The Eagle Eye Award: Jeremy Maclin, 27 pts

Who? You got me. Jason is the king of weird nobodies scoring 27 points.

Scrub Starters of the Week

Kim: Hakeem Nicks = 0 pts
Kyle: Willis McGahee = 0 pts (which Kyle deserved, because who starts Willis McGahee anymore?)
Drew: Nate Washington = 0 pts
Peter: John Kuhn = 0 pts (I'm not even shocked Peter's still playing him)

Power Rankings 

1) Kyle (last week, 1) 5-1

I'm not going to let one week sway me into believing Kyle's team sucks. Just kidding! MWAHAHAHA! THE CURSE IS UPON YOU!

2) Travis (last week, 2) 4-2

What did Travis' fingers say to Kyle's face? I don't know even need to type the answer. You know. I wonder if we've officially seen the changing of the guard

3) Donel (last week, 3)

Uh oh, we're getting kind of stagnant at the top, aren't we? Donel's team wasn't particularly impressive this week, but he didn't have to be! Peter cures all wounds.

4) Me (last week, 4)

I'm man enough to admit that I got lucky Kim's team had a meltdown. I didn't look great these week, a few stars aside.

5) Jason (last week, 7)

Jason has a dangerous team. He's playing all randos from week to week so there's a chance that they'll either a) do exactly as they are expected (read: nothing), or b) blow up for 27 points. This makes Jason a 100 point threat every game...as well as a 10 point threat. I don't see him winning out three times in the playoffs, but I can see him making the playoffs and making at least one team very sad.

6) Drew (last week, 6)

Drew mostly got unlucky for being the only 80 point scoring team to face someone who wasn't sucking. I still think you got it, Drewski.

7) Kim (last week, 5)

Take out LT and Kim is under 50. Could that trade have done her in? No chance. Her team is so desperately thin, these by weeks are going to crush the life out of her

8) Scott (last week, 8)

Scott keeps putting up points (#3 overall this week) and keeps losing games. Fun fact: did any of you see the score of Scott's game switch overnight from 98-97 Scott to 99-98 Jason? As if it wasn't bad enough he lost, he also had the possibility of victory stolen from him by an angry machine

9) Ryan (last week, 9)

I need to see that two weeks in a row before I believe Ryan's lies.

10) Peter (last week, 10)

Horse.

Week 7 Fearless Predictions

3-2 last week! If only I had seen Ryan Good coming...Also, to be fair, Donel didn't win by 80, so I guess I didn't cover my own spread

Rob (4-2) vs Donel (4-2)

Well, I enjoyed having a brief winning streak! It is ending this week. It's Byweeksville right now, population: me

Donel by 20

Kyle (5-1) vs Jason (3-3)

Jason's only QB is on byweek and he has $0 for free agents. If we each pick up 2 QBs, Jason is fucked! Unfortunately, that is not going to happen...and Kyle is starting Chad Henne

Jason by 10

Travis (4-2) vs Ryan (2-4)

Seeing as how Travis doesn't melt down and lightning doesn't strike twice, I think Ryan's toast

Travis by 12

Drew (2-4) vs Peter (2-4)

Welcome to underachieversville! I still can't bet on Peter.

Drew by 5.

Scott (1-5) vs Kim (3-3)

If there was ever a time to redeem himself, it is nigh.

Scott by 20

One Last Thing

Tune in next week for a special Midseason WNQ breakdown! Also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8CYHae2BR0&feature=related

Bet ESPN didn't know how quickly this commercial would be out of date 

Wednesday Night Quarterback on Tuesday (since I'm working all day tomorrow): Week 5: A Peek Behind the Curtains

Tuesday morning, 10/12/10, 0800
Location: Mile High Club Team Headquarters

Peter strolled into the dimly lit headquarters of his football team. The receptionist greeted him. "Oh, and sir," she said, reaching under her desk. "A couple of things came for you."

First was a bouquet of a dozen golden roses; Peter thought they smelled like success. "We are very sorry for your loss. May our awesomeness somehow rub off on you through these priceless roses. Sincerely, Team Buffalo."

That was nice of him, Peter thought. He wasn't one to buy into voodoo on a normal basis, but had been thinking that he was going to need all the help he could get.

"That's not all," said the receptionist, reaching under her desk once more. She lifted up a gigantic edible arrangement covered in chocolate covered pineapples, freshly cut strawberries, and oxidized banana slices. "It's from Rob."

Uh oh. Peter opened the card, which was quite wordy, as Rob tended to be. "Hey Pete, congratulations on your terrible defeat! I just heard from the Board of Directors and they offered me a job as your replacement, but I told them to go fuck themselves. Not because I wouldn't enjoy wallowing in your shame, but because I don't like signing up to captain the Titanic. But hey, on the plus side, I'm looking for a new special teams coach! You interested? Love, Rob."

"You also got this telegram," the receptionist said, before Peter could respond with unending profanity to Rob's card.

"Peter: thanks for making my team look good. Your friend, Ryan Good." Peter's heart sank. He realized he had hit rock bottom.

"Anything else?" The receptionist shook her head. "Thanks, receptionist," he said. He took a step to his office, then paused. "Why is this place to dimly lit today anyway?"

"Well," the receptionist began, "I think there are a few reasons. First and foremost, no one comes to watch our games because it's embarrassing to see Donovan McNabb cry up close. Second, we've been under a lot of fire since publicity tried to get people into games by offering a free John Kuhnskin cap for each of the first 1000 ticket buyers. Third, I hear the board is trying to save money to hire your replacement." She cleared her throat. "Also, I'm not your receptionist. I'm your wife. Remember? You had to let your receptionist go because this team makes no money and everyone hates it."

"Oh, right," Peter said. "That all makes a lot of sense. Thanks, honey."

Peter walked into his office and hit the light switch; the ceiling light went from off to dim. There was a letter sitting on his desk.

September 12, 2008

By Hand Delivery and Federal Express

Dear Peter:

Over the past months, you have made a number of public statements that were highly critical of, and designed to embarrass and discredit this organization, its players and its coaches. I left you alone during training camp in hopes that you would cease your immature and destructive campaign.

However, you continue to make public statements that are critical of the organization, its players as a whole as well as individual players. Such statements constitute conduct detrimental to the Mile High Club and I will no longer stand silently by while you continue to hurt this organization.

Further, your contract is quite clear that you work “subject to the direction and supervision of the General Partner’’ and that the General Partner has the “exclusive right to do all things, which in its sole discretion are necessary to maintain and improve the Club, the football organization and their activities.’’

I realized when I hired you that you were young and inexperienced and that there would be a learning process for you. Your mistakes on player personnel (Correll Buckhalter?! Really?) and coaches (Saints D/ST?! Really??) were overlooked based on our patience with you. But I never dreamt that you would be so awful in all aspects of the game. Your actions are those of a coach looking to make excuses for not winning, rather than a coach focused on winning.

For example, with the exception of Rob Bironas (who we all knew would be good and you paid no money for), you were involved in drafting all players and determining salaries for them and you were explicit in your desire to sign such studs as John Kuhn, Kenneth Darby (whose name I had to look up because I don't even know who he is) and Greg Olsen amongst others. All were a must to sign in your eyes, Kuhn in particular, because you had heard Jason was going to pick him up, as he does for all available players who have ever once touched a football during a game. Do not run from that now.

I do realize that you did not want to draft Joe Flacco. He is a great player. Get over it and coach this team on the field, that is what you were hired to do. We can win with this team! Stop trading away our only good players for Dez Bryant, asshole.

In regards to your recent fabrications about the defense, during the final cuts you made every cut on offense and every cut on defense. Further more, during the games on Sunday Kyle lit you up we got killed by the most amount a points any fantasy team in our league has ever lost by.

This letter constitutes notice that if you further violate any term of your contract, ie, don't stop sucking it up like no other suck has ever sucked, in any manner whatsoever, you will be terminated for cause. I trust that this will not occur.

By: (Al Davis signature)

I can't take all the credit for the above rant, since Peter actually sort of gave me the idea after his abysmally abysmal game this week (which you'll see proof of in the text messages of the week section). In one swoop Peter managed to score the least points of any team this season (Kim had been wining that category with a scant 50) as well as the biggest blowout loss (though, to be fair, the previous holder of this award was still him, only that loss was by 52, not 72).

So what is going wrong with this team? Other teams in the league are bad, but not this bad week-in and week-out. Remember, too, that Peter has two wins (divine intervention if I've ever seen it) despite a league-low 306 PF (partially explained by his third-lowest in the league PA at 404.

Part of it can't be blamed totally on Peter; his team has been ravaged by injuries (RIP Green Bay's running game). But there's a fair amount of poor decision making, too. Peter traded Joe Flacco (56 fantasy points thus far) for Dez Bryant (23). Now I know that its unfair to compare QB point numbers straight up, so I'll give some statistics. In the past three games Flacco has put up 22, 12, and 15 pts. Dez Bryant has put up 5, bye week, and 2 (11 if you count the week before that, which was his season high). I realize you can't start 2 QBs, and if you've got two good ones ultimately one needs to go. But at what cost? Joe Flacco has a week where he put up as many points as Dez Bryan has this season...and you'd have to be joking to believe that was a fair trade. ESPECIALLY considering the lengths some people in this league (population: me) went to get a QB of even decent value. Would Peter have preferred Hines Ward? I would have willingly traded him for Flacco. Poor decision making skills; Al Davis was right!

So how can this team get better?

1) Luck/Prayer. Because really, that's the only thing that is going to work here.

2) Very strategic trading. This is hard because, honestly, Peter has nothing to trade. All of his players are awful. What he needs at this point is to trade any single player he has that's good for two that are average...because at least with a team full of average players he stands a chance. Right now his team of scrubs is incapable of beating anyone (but me), which will lead to a long season.

3) Stalk the Free Agent Market. A la Jason. Money wise I think Peter's not winning too many bidding wars, so its going to be all about finding that choice pick one week before everyone else. Good luck with that, though.

4) Find a sucker. Remember Nava and Steven Jackson-gate? If Peter can get himself on the receiving end of one of those deals, it might be game on.

5) There just aren't five things Peter can do to save that steaming pile 'o team.

Text Messages of the Week

Peter: Fantasy Fail
Peter: I think my team is looking for a new manager behind my back
Rob: You're right. I've been contacted. They say they're trying to move in a new direction: scoring points.
Peter: Look, we run a clean, strict organization. It may not be obvious on the field yet, but we're building something here. It's a 3 year plan.
Rob: Is that a Charlie Weis quote?
Peter: 2008 Notre Dame was the model for my team in fact
Rob:I thought it was the 2008 Detroit Lions
Peter:Matt Millen is another hero

Kim: Don't be too hard on Peter this week. And try not to point out that Forte alone almost outscored his whole team... (guess I failed to honor both those requests)

Scott: I'm 1-4...people should be lining up to play me

Awards Roundup!

The Shit the Bed Award/The Soulcrusher Award: Kim over Peter by 72

The funny part is this award isn't designed to be given out every week, but Peter's team keeps hitting disastrously new lows. I know, dead horse. I'll stop now.

St. Mary's Award For the Blind: Peter, 37 pts

Dead Horse!

Commissioner's Spotlight on Awesomeness: Donel

All those things I said about Donel's team being undynamic without CJ having a 40 point game? I take it all back. Bonus points for beating Jason!

Commissioner's Blackout on Suckiness: Drew

Just because Peter's too easy. Also, I'd like to point out that Drew's bench outscored his team this week, an impressive feat for 7 players (or 6 players and Mario Manningham). Consider this managerial punishment. Peter, you'll get this award next week.

Eagle Eye Award: It's a tie!

Ray Rice (Ryan) with 27 and Malcolm Floyd (Kyle) with 27. Let us now be assured Malcolm Floyd will never again be the #1 point winner of the week.

Scrub Starters of the Week

I'd like to start by saying this is my first week absent from this list. Sad, isn't it? I count the little victories.

Ryan Good: Mark Clayton, 0 pts. Also, out for the season. Slap!
Peter: Lance Moore 0 pts
Peter: Anquan Boldin, 0 pts
Peter: Greg Olsen, 0 pts (Horse! Dead!)
Kyle: Jermichael Finley, 0 pts (text from Kyle: It's pretty awesome that my stud TE gets injured on the first play of the game trying to tackle the defender after the scrub TE fumbles it)
Drew: Tim Hightower 0 pts
Drew: Vikings D/ST -2 pts

Power Rankings

1) Kyle (last week:1) 5-0

I can't argue with the record, but I will say this: this is the second week in a row Kyle has looked unspectacular but still beaten his even less spectacular opponent. Also, Kyle has only 303 PA this season...thats 73 less than the next closest, Kim at 376. That is just out of control. As Ryan showed us last year, that will not last. However, Kyle is scoring the third most overall points, so maybe it will? Golly.

2) Travis (last week:2) 3-2

What was that about a curse? 119 points later and I'm starting to believe. Also, 7 players above 100 pts? Are you kidding me? I can't wait until Travis plays Kyle...this week!

3) Donel (last week: 4) 3-2

I believe! I believe!

4) Me (last week: 5) 3-2

I believe a little less in this one, but I'm holding by ground here. I'm not as awful as once believed, but I also encourage people to not believe the hype I'm giving myself here. This team is just okay

5) Kim (last week: 7) 3-2

Kim's team is an enigma to me. AP only managed 10 pts this week but it didn't matter; her WRs (not including Kevin Walter), who had been dormant all season, just exploded their ability all over the place. Her team's not as hopeless as it once seemed, but I need to see consistency before I move her ass up.

6) Drew (last week: 3) 2-3

Drew falls for the loss this week, but hold some ground because you can't pick all the wrong players every week, can you?

7) Jason (last week: 6) 2-3

91 pts aint bad...except when you're playing monster Donel. I will say: nice job benching Schaub, who I wouldn't have guessed was going to have 3 pts. I'll also say: way to go starting Sam Bradford, who overachieved with 4 pts.

8) Scott (last week 8) 1-4

Scott = in trouble, which is surely driving him crazy considering how much time he puts into this. That being said, he doesn't look as hopeless as...

9) Ryan (last week: 10) 1-4

How did hapless Ryan Good jump Peter this week? First, Ryan's team may be unbalanced and sort of bad but at least there's the chance of players blowing up...Peter's players rarely touch the ball. Also, I looked at the schedule and I saw Peter's going to play Ryan again this season, which means a second win. I don't see Peter winning any more games, so I think Ryan will ultimately have the edge.

10) Peter (last week: 9) 2-3

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEE

Week 6 Fearless Predictions

2-3 last week, including the terrible prediction of "Kim winning in a close one." I've learned to stop betting small

Rob 3-2 v. Kim 3-2

I believe this one will be close. Oh wait! My best RB is on by, as is my closest thing to a backup. Toast!

Kim by 15

Scott 1-4 vs Jason 2-3

Tough to call, but teams can be decent when they want to be. Neither team is really suffering from by weeks, so...

Jason by 9

Kyle 5-0 vs Travis 3-2

Definitely the game of the week. My wishful thinking makes me think Travis, esp. since he's got zero byes this week

Travis by 5

Drew 2-3 vs Ryan 1-4

Drew's getting to 500 this week!

Drew by 15

Donel 3-2 vs Peter 1-4

My only question is whether lightning can strike thrice. My prediction: yes

Donel by 80

One Last Thing

Does Bruno Mars not look just like a slightly girlier version of Donel? Is that racist?

Wednesday Night Quarterback (Amped up Monday Night Edition): Week 4: Sacrilege Special

The Lord's Prayer

Our Foster, who art in Texas
Hallowed be thy legs
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
In Oakland as it was in Indy

Give me today about thirty points
And forgive me for doubting you
As I forgive those who doubt my team
And lead us not into devastation
But deliver us from Scoba

Touchdown.

I'm pretty sure no one is as amped up as I am right now after the Patriots made Miami look silly. You know a game is getting out of hand when the announcers start coming up with statistics like, "this is the first time in history a team scored a TD rushing, passing, on a kickoff return, on a blocked punt, and a blocked field goal, all in the same game." Not that that isn't awesome, but the rest of the country must have been bored to death. I wasn't. Add onto that Scott and I both had actively players and I managed to win? Cake! Cake! With icing!

Ahem. Now that that's out of the way...This week was really epic...Biblically so.

Divine Intervention of the Week: Scott and I were battling it out point for point with Gostkowski kicking field goals for me and Marshall hauling in (blissfully short yardage) catches for Scott. After a TD the patriots decide to go for two, which means no extra point for my kicker. But NO! Edelman false starts and the patriots decide to kick an extra point! Subsequently: I win by one point. Thanks, God.

God spares Isaac, Abraham relieved: MJD has been awful all season. Just. Awful. I think he broken 10 points once. But like a good believer, Kyle starts MJD faithfully and is rewarded with a monstrous 23 points (that he doesn't need to beat Peter, but whatever). True believers rejoice!

Bring in the floods: While Kyle brought in a tidal wave of biblical proportions, Peter hadn't quite finished his ark, leading to a 52 points loss. 52! That's a league high. Remember how I scoffed at Peter's 2 wins? I will continue. Scoff scoff scoff! For the record, Peter's high scorer was his kicker, with 10 pts.

Yahweh smites Pharoah: Travis and Jason had a terrific game going on, with Travis coming from behind on the strength of Henne and Moss. Well, sort of. Overconfident, gluttonous Pharoah Travis expected big things from Mr. Moss...but the Lord hates rich white people! SMITTEN! Randy Moss gets a big 0 points and with Travis and Jason tied Henne throws and interception and is pulled from the game. God loves them Jews.

Sodom suffers: Ryan, that loose-pursed lecher, spending all of his money on Drew Brees, Ray Rice, and Andre Johnson. The angels came to Drew Brees and said, be there a righteous player on this team, I shall spare it. Drew Brees said, "hey, I'm a saint, right? I'm righteous, then." To which the angels replied, "meh." They then went about the town and saw a city of starved has-beens, envious never-weres, and many more men characterized not by their skill, but by hubris. The angels said to Drew Brees, "leave this team, and take with you the Chargers D/ST and Andre Johnson," for you are the only worthwhile players, including the bench! But do not look back to see the destruction, because this team flat our sucks." And so the group set off, but Andre Johnson looked backwards, and in anger the Angels turned him into a last-minute high ankle sprain and gave him 0 points.

The judgment day approaches: Four of the top five scorers of the week were in the same two games. Scott was actually the second highest overall scorer, while Travis, in losing, would have easily beaten the winner of the Donel/Good snoozefest or the Flum/Vanderzee spanking. Alas, we all pay for our sins in the end.

Text Messages of the Week! 

Peter: "I benched TO around noon." [in retrospect, those 28 points would not have helped]

Kyle: "You never play Donal Driver and he always scores like 10+ points! That what happens when you dis the pack attack."

Me (to Scott): The Titans have a player named Courtland Finnigan. And he's black! Talk about breaking name stereotypes
Scott: Half black?
Me: Maybe? I've never been good at the black/not black game.

Scott: I have a permanent no Addai policy on my team.

Scott: What happened to Cutler? I just turned it on. They said he hasn't come out of the locker room."
Me: Shame probably

Me: I want 5 FG's and Brandon Marshall C-spine'd early


Awards Roundup! 

The Soulcrusher Award/The Shit The Bed Award

How cruel, fate is. Peter, who last week earned himself the Soulcrusher trophy by dominating me by 38, this week relinquishes said trophy in the face of his 52(!!!!!!) point defeat to Kyle, who really doesn't need more things to make him happy at this point. To which I say: REALLY? Peter now has 269 points of total offense in 3 games...and he put up over one hundred when he played me? I'M SO UPSET.

P.S.: Congrats Kyle. I hate you.

Commissioner's Spotlight on Awesomeness: Scott

Ever feel really bad about beating someone? Yea, me neither. But I had to give it up to Scott for outscoring everyone but me. Also, I sucked so bad the last two weeks that one week does not a trophy make. For now! Plus, he's letting me stay at his house during Homecoming, so I need to suck up now so he doesn't make me sleep with the cat.

Commissioner's Blackout on Suckiness: Peter

53 points. It's not even the worst of the year (Ryan still holds that dubious honor). But I mean...let's be serious. When Rob Bironas is the headline of your team, the only road to take is the road of sadness. Let me break this down: 7 players on Peter's team went for 7 or less points, and the other two topped out at 10. At least he hit double digits, right? I honestly would love to give this award to Ryan every week because his team is just so bad, but Peter sucks so convincingly sometimes that it's hard to ignore. Plus, I have no sympathy for him! 2-2!?! How is this team 2-2?!?! Oh yea, http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/boxscorequick?leagueId=300759&teamId=2&scoringPeriodId=1&seasonId=2010&view=scoringperiod&version=quick. Blech.

Gold Medal of Managerial Excellence: Me! Arian Foster, 30 pts.

Arian Foster, thank you for always being there for me. Unlike Steve Smith, who I hate. Our first repeat top scorer of the year! Second place goes to the throwback alert of the week: LT with 27. Where did this guy come from? Oh right. The Chargers.

Scrub Starters of the Week 

Rob: Jay Cutler -3 (my QB woes continues...though you'll notice I don't have a defense on this list for the first time this season! Yahoo!)
Scott: [SPECIAL INCLUSION!] Michael Vick, 2 (INJURY FACE. Mwahahaha!)
Ryan: Marshawn Lynch, -2 (playing a Bill, Ryan? You of all people know better.)
Kim: Maurice Morris and Santana Moss, 0 each (Kim's made fun of me a lot of wanting to trade for Adrian Peterson. I think her claims that the trade isn't to her advantage are reasonable. You know what else is reasonable? Trading three serviceable running backs (Addai, Wells, Bush) to a team that, besides Adrian Peterson, has no one. This bye week meant she started Maurice Morris. MAURICE MORRIS. Desperation alert!)
Travis: Randy Moss, 0 pts (ouch. Sorry Travis, that just sucks)

Power Rankings

1) Kyle (last week:1)

Not only did Kyle's offense blow the fuck up this weekend, but all of the 2-1 teams lost...putting Kyle 2 games ahead of everyone in the division. Can you smell playoffs? On the downside, his bench is pathetic...to the point where he had to start Maroney this week, a sure sign of oncoming demise. But seriously, if you can score triple digits with Maroney in play, you're on to something. A clear #1

2) Travis (last week:2)

Yea yea yea, he lost this week. But he still looked better than most of the teams that won. The problem? I think this team is cursed. Travis is just finding ways to lose these games.

3) Drew (last week: 5)

In the sea of 2-2 teams, Drew's isn't bad. He's got reliable RBs and a great QB. His WRs are awful, straight up. For the second week in a row they couldn't get more than 7 pts combined. And he didn't look great this week with 71 pts, but a win is a win.

4) Donel (last week: 4)

Speaking of teams that look bad...Donel wins, but with 66 points? The sad fact: Donel's team is undynamic without a big game by Chris Johnson. When CJ is on, Donel will be on, but any slow game spells doom for his chances. The plus side? Johnson's on a whole lot. I'm holding Donel at 4

5) Me (last week: 9)

This is not because I think my team is any good. Let's get that straight. The best I can say of my team is it has definite explosive potential. Two weeks over 100, two weeks under 70. I've got a spotty team of people threatening to blow up, plus major issues at QB (thanks for those -3, Jay Cutler. Vandy sucks!), but I can still give good teams terrible fits when my offense comes together.

6) Jason (last week: 7)

Slowly but surely, Jason's team is showing, hey! We're not awful. The problem I see is in the guess work. Jason's team is all about matchups and predictions; he's got a lot of possible flex options that he has to start every week and he can't always guess who's going to blow up and who's going to suck (see: 2 WRs with 1 point each). But his team's turning out surprisingly solid, and it's really fun to watch him scramble to bid on every player at $0 each auction

7) Kim (last week: 3)

No AP = no chance of victory. Until Kim gets some depth, she's sunk. I'm not saying she won't make the playoffs, but one slow game by Peterson and she's gone.

8) Scott (last week:6)

I actually like Scott's team a lot...it's pretty deep, he's made some good player picks (what a bargain LT looks like now...and who through BenJarvus Green-Ellis would threaten to become a relevant part of the NE offense?). But the sad fact is he's 1-3. He's in a big hole, and this week's barnburner didn't help him.

9) Peter (last week:8)

I think I've said enough about Peter's team.

10) Ryan (last week: 10)

Now taking bets for what date and time Ryan asks if we can NOT do an auction draft next year.

Week 5 Fearless Predictions! 

Huh! Last week I actually went 4-1 on predictions, my lone mistake being not guessing myself. That's fine. I'm never guessing myself to win a game ever. I hate letting myself done. 6-4 record all time for predictions? Not bad! Y'all might have to believe I know what I'm talking about.

Rob (2-2) vs Ryan (1-3)

Okay, so on paper this sounds like a blow out win for me. Not so fast! Based on my "win a game, lost a game" philosophy, I'm inevitably going to put up no more than 60 pts, and Ryan will crawl to 62

Ryan by 2

Kim (2-2) vs Peter (2-2)

Kim gets AP back, but loses Brady and Welker. Bumbumbum! Luckily, she's playing Peter, who I think she'll beat in a close one

Kim by 4

Jason (2-2) vs Donel (2-2)

This one looks like a wash to me. I have no way of predicting Donel's output (126 points? 66 points? Who knows?). What I do know is I expect Jason to be consistent, so I have to give him the edge.

Jason by 5

Kyle (4-0) vs Scott (1-3)

Scott might be the best 1-3 team we've had...but I don't think Kyle is losing this one. MJD vs the Bills? No byes? Helloooo victory!

Kyle by 10

Travis (2-2) vs Drew (2-2)

Another bye-heavy week for Travis, which makes me confused. Travis's team still has potential for greatness...but I'm confident something will happen to make Travis lose for no good reason. Tony Romo -27 perhaps?

Drew by 1

One Last Thing

MGoBlog has been advertising this awesome Michigan football wallpaper website...some are better than others, but this one I enjoy: