Obviously, I'm not one for deadlines...but luckily, Peter has turned my patented formula of 100% insults, 0% data, into his own Peter edition of WNQ. I'm going to post that here, right now. But I'm not letting him be QB, because I'm QB, and there's only one QB on the team. He can play defense or something.
By Peter: Wednesday Night Free Safety
Given Rob’s inability to come through with a timely recap of our week’s events again, I thought I’d attempt to fill the void with a special guest edition of some form of ____ Night Quarterback. A couple of side notes before we get started:
1. So seriously when does Rob’s intern year actually start? Orientation month, Cardiology consults, Ultrasound, and a shift work ED month make up his first 1/3 of the year? What is this the Nebraska Upstairs Residency in Emergency Medicine? (2 cocktails to whoever gets my Simpson’s reference). Last time I checked 4th year of medical school ended sometime in May. [Editor's note: I want those cocktails, but I don't know enough about this. Also, not my fault y'all chose to work hard and stuff]
2. At one point I planned to attempt to model this after Rob’s previous posts, but then came to find that ESPN doesn’t save any old league manager notes. As Rob only made available the URL to his blog containing old manager notes in a subsequently unavailable league manager note (well played, Rob), I can’t find one for modeling. I’ll be doing my own thing. [Editor's note: Mwahaha! My bad. It's ichooseweswelker.blogspot.com]
3. As you might have guessed this post will focus heavily on exacting revenge for the endless slights directed my way in previous editions of this space. Suck it, Rob. [Editor's note: I can't be mad. I'll give you this week and punish you in all the following. Besides, I only speak the truth.]
Last Week In Review:
Mile High Club vs My Team:
Off the bat let me reiterate Rob’s aforementioned disappointment in Travis’s team name. It’s easily in my top 10 most disappointing aspects of this season (along with my regrettable draft strategy, my team’s glaring point scoring inadequacies, and Rob’s continued existence). Quite frankly I caught Travis on as good of a week as I could have imagined. He loses Tony Romo and his top 2 RBs are on byes. Thank you very much lady luck for that (and for TO’s 2nd TD for anyone who happened to have seen it). Top performer goes to TO and his 18 points. Shat the Bed award is bestowed upon Randy Moss and his 0 point performance. Talk about a disappointing turn to a season. Did anyone actually expect him to do well outside of Brady’s bubble of awesomeness? Do you remember him in Oakland?
The Goods vs Blow Schaub:
Ryan ontinues to claw back from the bottom with some of the strangest fantasy point scorers in recent memory. 56 points out of LaGarrette Blount, Dan Carpenter, and the Ram’s Defense? Zeroes from Marshawn Lynch and Owen Daniels? Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt this week and pretend like you’re a genius for the way that played out. Meanwhile, Jason’s team of misfit toys put on a solid performance again. He continues to reinvent himself and continues to leave buckets of points on the bench because no one has any God damn clue who on his team might score 20 or 0 points each week. I love you for playing Mike Hart and having him actually put up a decent performance before getting hurt. Something about that sounds vaguely familiar. Top performer goes to LeGarrette Blount (I had to double check the spelling on his first name 3 times). Who would have thought being an angry man willing to punch other people in the face with little provocation would translate well to the NFL? Shat the bed award goes to the Seahawks D. That combined -3 points from your kicker and defense had to hurt, Jason. Defense and special teams win games something something.
Rob’s Stupid Name of the Week vs The Frum:
I was rooting for Drew here (for obvious reasons, but also…) because he participated in one of my wins last week. Things didn’t quite work out for me. The only other tie I can recall in our league was way back in the inaugural year of our league when I won a match up I believe against Kyle by 1 point, but then the next day they readjusted the stats and took away that 1 point victory in an effort to surprise me the kick in the balls I was expecting. Anyhow, as they say, “A tie is like kissing your sister.” Except, in this case, your sister is Rob who is drunk and has a raging case of oral HSV. Pretty much very unfortunate for all parties involved. Rob managed to move up in the standings here by just not losing. 1 point less and he joins the pack of 4-4 teams. This season is looking like it might get weird and ties don’t help. Top performer goes to Arian Foster who continues to exceed expectations. Shat the bed award goes to the Viking’s defense. Can anyone recall a worse week than -4 points? Yikes. Another side note: Cedric Benson continues to prove his fantasy value with another sub-8 point performance for a starting RB. More on this later.
Prestige Worldwide vs D Money All Day
Scott finally gets a much deserved win. Don’t lose your dinosaur, Scott: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8gY0IT0CuA. I’m pretty sure this new name will be the turning point for you. Anyway, he basically had this thing wrapped up after the early games. Donel had a slow week with none of his players blowing up for 25+ points like usual (thank you much for being human, Chris Johnson). Donel is quietly trying his best to creep back into the pack at the moment. Performer of the week goes to Megatron and his 28 points. If only he could finish the entire process of his catches when making contact with the ground. Shat the bed award goes to Hines Ward and his 1 point. I still maintain Donel got him at least for free in the Orton:Cutler and Ward trade.
Now to explain my Cedric Benson comment from earlier. In last week’s midseason review, Rob stated RBs were one of his strengths and talked about Cedric Benson being a solid performer. He has 71 points on the year. Rob then went on to say that Scott’s RB situation was ambiguous because Adrian Peterson = good, Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones =bad. Thomas Jones and Jamaal Charles split time (though really Jones is Charles’s backup in my mind) Jones has scored 2 less points less this year than Benson at 69. Charles has now scored 89 points. I’m not sure I can call either of those guys bad. I feel confident that RB is one of Scott’s strong positions. I don’t remember the last time you played Jones though, Scott. Are you ready to trade him my way yet? [Editor's Note: I'm not going to lie and say I'm happy with Benson's recent suckiness. But he's, before that, not been too shabby. AF is clearly my star, no doubt, with the Colts twins right behind, when not seriously injured. Also, Benson may be sucking, but Jones keeps gobbling up Charles' worth. I think they're both spotty because you don't know week to week who'll get the TD.]
Team Buffalo vs Hasselbeck’s Last Stand
Kyle wins…again. He’s just having one of those years where no one ever has a good week against him. Solid performances from Peyton and MJD drove the bus this week against Kim’s top-heavy team (zing boob reference for the one female in our league). But seriously outside of QB/RB this week her team put up 16 points. That’s not helping your overcome Kyle’s deal with the devil. How solid have The Law Firm, LT, and McFadden been lately though? I honestly thought the trade of Peterson for those 3 was going to be horribly one-sided and I could not have been more wrong. AP has been sick, scoring 56 points over the last 3 weeks, but sometimes quantity rules over quality. The above trio has scored 122 points over those 3 weeks with one bye and one week missed for injury. That works out to an average of 17.4 points per player per week. I could go for 3 RBs averaging greater than 17 points/week about now. Anyhow, top performer goes to The Law Firm and his 28. Shat the bed award goes to Kellen Winslow with a big fat 0. Kenny Britt gets a pass because his hamstring exploded.
Thoughts On The State Of The League:
-Kyle continues to dominate, all but assured at least a playoff berth at this point. I don’t feel like trying to figure out how certain that is because it’s going to end up being irrelevant.
-There’s a big cluster fuck in the middle with 4 teams at 4-4 and Rob narrowly avoiding becoming the 5th. Things should get interesting down the stretch, though all can take solace in the fact that I will never win any tiebreaker with my point total. [Editor's Note: I'm unclear if this is true. Head-to-head wins might play a role in tiebreakers. Disaster for me.]
-Ryan and I continue to try to dig our way out of the cellar after questionable starts. In spite of all of Rob’s trash talk, we’re currently the only teams on winning streaks. [Editor's note: I'll believe it when I see it!
-Scott finally gets another win. Let’s all hope his luck isn’t changing and he’s making a late season push. His team has been a beast for a while now.
Fearless Predictions (or thoughts I pull out of my ass):
Blow Schaub vs Mile High Club – Jason by 20. I can’t pick myself and my team does nothing but disappoint. TO is due for a 0 week.
The Goods vs Rob’s Stupid Name Of The Week – Ryan by one million. That’s all I’m going to say. [Editor's Note: Unfortunately, I don't disagree.]
Hasselbeck’s Last Stand vs My Team – Travis gets his RBs back and pulls this one out by 3.
Team Buffalo vs Prestige Worldwide – Scott’s last place juggernaut is predicted to score 137 points this week. Yikes. Scott finds his dinosaur and wins by 15.
D Money All Day vs The Frum – ESPN has Drew scoring 131 this week based on predictions. That’s not happening. I feel a Donel bounce back, winning by 7.
And just for emphasis: (Insert disparaging remark about Rob here) [Editor's Note: How about, "Have fun on Trauma Surgery call, Rob."]
You should probably bump this to front page in a readable format so all can appreciate it.
[Editor's Note: I enjoyed that. Peter, you want to get a chance to do this every year? It's good to get a chance to be scoffed at like I scoff at all of y'all clowns.]
[Postscript: You know how much of a hassle all of that HTML is? I hate computers.
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