Lady and gentleman, welcome to Season 5.
There will be a few changes in the LM Notes this season. With my admittedly busier schedule, I might not be able to ramble on for at such great lengths as I have in the past, which will surely all be your loss gain. I also promise to attempt less prognostication this year. My reason for this is twofold. First and foremost, prognosticating fantasy football games is pointless. Unlike a real team of players, bound by one coach and one fate, suffering from momentum swings and mental/physical challenges, our teams comprise players who are individually at the whim of chance. And unlike in real life when you a team simply plays their back up, when Tom Brady goes down with a torn MCL, your team is fucked with a big old Zero at QB. Nobody knows anything. The trick is not minding. Oh, that’s right, I said “first and foremost,” so there needs to be a second point. Second, I suck at prognosticating.
Our League this year has had some drastic changes, the most drastic (arguably) since the switch to the 10 team format. Yeah yeah, Auction-style drafting changed everything. But I don’t think it caused nearly the alteration in draft strategy that Keepers did—and inevitably will continue causing. I remember thinking, while the Keeper rules were devised, that a $5 penalty seemed like a pretty strong reason to NOT keep a player. Well, Scott, Jason, and Donel responded with a confident “fuck that.” I’m not particularly surprised about Scott and Jason, two of the most calculating, cutthroat, skilled, maniacal, seasoned, fanatic, winningest owners I know pulling a power play and doubling down on extra keepers. Donel surprised me. I’ll admit, if I had his players, I might have considered it. But Donel seems so level headed. He doesn’t pick up 100+ people per season off waivers. He didn’t spend all his Free Agent money in Week 2. He doesn’t spatter superstitions like “never trade with Bob. You always lose.” But here he is, with a flagship RB (albeit one who has no practiced), a young hotshot, two marquis WRs, and a QB some people love but I think is aight (but definitely better than mine). Meanwhile, Travis cut one of the top 5 WRs because he didn’t have room on his roster of three. We’ll soon see who gets the last laugh.
It’s funny observing how draft strategies this year varied from the year before. Obviously, most players being off the board changed everything ($68 Jamaal Charles, anyone?). However, do you remember the exorbitant spending laid out by Ryan Good on his top 3 last year, forcing the rest of his team to be $1-$5 wonders? Balance that image with the roster he put together this year, full of crafty low double digit and high single digit picks snatched up late after the more foolish (Scott, Jason, myself, the original conservative bidders) had squandered their dollars. We all learned something from last season. Not the least of all being Drew, who wisely learned “ride Aaron Rodgers to another victory, if possible.”
The one thing I’m particularly excited about this season is actually the LEAST important of the changes: divisions. I think a ten team league needs that, to stabilize schedules and to prevent me from sitting back and saying “why does EVERYONE else get to play Kim twice a year but me?”
Before I sign off here before our Week 1 action, a few promises (that I will certainly break and are in no way a binding contract)
Promise 1: I will post at least SOMETHING each week.
This will be difficult. My life is not the life of any, say, Orthopedic 2nd year resident who hasn’t had a day off in three months, but it’s not all buttercups and daisies. Well, it still is, mostly. But I occasionally have real work to do, but I think that NOT having another blog to worry about will help me stay honest.
Promise 2: I will try to not fall back on old jokes.
Jason overmanages his team and picks up too many people. Peter is unlucky and sort of hapless. Travis can never quite win the biggest games. Kim is a girl. Been there, done that! It’s time for new trends to emerge. I’m going to try to throw the stereotypes out the window and find funnier things to talk about. Until Peter loses by one point for the fourth time this season.
Promise 3: I will retain the right to research as much or as little as I please.
I crunch a lot of numbers in our league, but I do NOT always spend a lot of time researching what I’m typing. I’m more stream of consciousness. When I say things like, “Check out that rookie Michael Vick. He’s so hot right now. Drafted straight from University of Texas,” it’s not my fault I’m stupid.
Promise 4: Peter will get a chance to lambast me again this year! And so will anyone else who desires to!
This isn’t a dictatorship. Well, actually, it sort of is, ever since I found the tab that says “League Manager Tools” and realized I can really do anything, including editing your team’s roster, forcing trades no one wants, and rearranging the scoring on games. I’m not going to do those things, I promise. Maybe if my team was better I would. But if you want to roast the shit out of me or anyone else, please feel free to do so.
Promise 5: Less meaningless statistics, more meaningful statistics this year
I love crunching numbers. Probably because I’m a little bit Asian. Regardless, sometimes after doing hours of work I realize there is no point but I still vomit the information all over just so it isn’t a waste. I’m going to try to do less of this. What I WILL do is find time to chronicle a list of league achievements (say, a Top 10 list of highest and lowest all times scores), as well as personal team highlights and lowlights. I’m also going to try to clean up the trophy case, as it is full of useless awards and clutter that keeps people from finding real information.
Final Promise: I promise to take this job of being Commissioner much, much too seriously.
Big brother is watching.
From Nebraska,
Bob
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