Week 7: WNQ Makes a Triumphant Return! (Part 1)

So it occurred to me that this week I have a lot to write about. In part because we’re nearing the exact middle of the season and teams have somewhat defined themselves. However, it’s also been apparent that I have been shirking my Commissioner duties for the past few weeks and been putting out subpar to nonexistent WNQ. Well this week, THAT WILL ALL CHANGE. I’ve got plenty to talk about, and plenty of time. Bring it, world.

What We Know So Far

Drew Flum (Rice A Roni)
5-1 (1st)
PF 588 (1st)
PA 525 (5th)

Drew is currently the class of the league. With the highest PF and the best record, he’s sitting pretty for a probably playoff spot. He’s had four weeks with 98 points or better, and only one truly bad week, a 69 point performance that was still able to eke out a win all the way back in week 2.

How is he doing it? He’s got a 1-2 punch at QB of intermittently great and average Matt Schaub and Michael Vick. He’s got the #2 RB Ray Rice and another top 30 in Matt Forte to cover him. He has a bevy of WR options (5 in the top 40…start thinking of your trades now, boys), including two of the top 10. Having the bears D/ST also doesn’t hurt. And it’s not like he’s just cruising against bad teams. His opponents are averaging a not shabby 87.5 points per game. Lets hear it for the boys.

Records This Season: None (But the Bears have been close, with two games at 23 pts, the 11th best ever in our league)

Fines This Season: None

Travis Langley (My Team)
4-2 (2ND)
PF 546 (3rd)
PA 529 (4th)

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Travis is again in position to have a great season only to fall apart in the playoffs. We knew this was going to happen. It happens every year. Perennial Maid of Honor Travis is again crossing his fingers he’ll catch the bouquet and have a chance to have his own big day, but we know better. It’s not going to last.

Which is not to say that he’s been lucky. He’s putting up points (see his 109-105 victory over myself in Week 4) against people putting up points, as seen by his PF/PA. Like everyone else this season, he’s got WRs to spare, but his lack of options at RB will likely be his downfall. When your number one RB is Doug Martin, only sadness can await you

Records This Season: None, but Marques Colston 31 pts and Jordy Nelson: 30 pts have come close

Fines This Season: None


Jason Feuerman (Smirnoff Matty Ice)
4-2 (3rd)
PF 532 (5th)
PA 524 (6th)

He’s back, isn’t he? We all knew this day would come. It’s like that Disney movie where the poor, abandoned child Arthur pulls the sword from the stone and comes to rule all of England and fuck his sister. Only instead of rooting for conquest/incest, we were thoroughly enjoying the poverty and despair of Jason and are now entering the part where he becomes an evil despot and slits our throats. Curse you Jason Feuerman, and your little dog too!

But all is not lost. Jewish Malifecent ™ has been very consistent but has failed to score over 100 points. Consistency, a hallmark of the Travis Langley teams of yore, is a kiss of death in the playoffs. And this is not a team without problems, as his paltry 79 points showed last week. His RB situation is fantastic, and with AJ Green and Torrey Smith, he’s got a solid top 2 and WR. Heck, even his QB (Matt Ryan) and his K and D/ST are good. Fine. His team is pretty great. Long live the Evil Queen.

Records This Season: None

Fines This Season: None


Ryan Davis (Gingers With Souls)
4-2 (4th)
PF 524 (6th)
PA 460 (12th)

Well look at this! The Historical Worst Team Ever has not done too poorly for himself thus far! With four wins, he’s a good bet for a playoff birth—though the season is still young, and better Ryans have had more wins at this point and missed the playoffs. Regardless, Ryan has already surpassed his win total from Season 1 and will consider this season a win regardless of what sort of meltdown his team might have.

One caveat to all the mea culpas, however. Ryan Davis currently has the least number of points against of any team in the league. He’s still doing fairly well for himself in the scoring department, but he’s definitely benefitting from some below average play from his opponents.

Beyond some strong QB options in Flacco and Manning, Good Ole Ginger is actually a little bit soft. His RBs are terrible (like, Travis terrible), and his two TEs have an average ranking of 49th (and guess which one he’s starting this week? Hint: it’s not the good one). He’s got some strengths at WR, but his team is a big question mark if his opponents begin turning up the heat.

Records This Season:
Week 4: 119 TTP good for highest team point total ever
Week 4: 49ers D/ST 29 pts (#3 D/ST)

Fines This Season: None


Kyle Bohm (Buffalo Bonecrushers)
3-3 (5th)
PF 480 (9th)
PA 522 (7th)

Now we’re getting into a stretch in the middle I like to call the filling of the league. The first four teams have had strong overall showings and are kind of like the crisp French bread of the sandwich. The people in the middle are fighting for their chance to be the meat. Some will rise to the occasional and do so; some will be lettuce, and lettuce sucks.

Kyle’s hussling right now. He knows his team isn’t great. He has not hit triple digits at all this year, but still does have three wins to his name. He’s got a variety of above average players but few stars, and his WR core is surprisingly average, given the shear number of options out there. He’s also got a shit show at RB, but who doesn’t.

Records This Season: None

Fines This Season: None


Rob Huang (Break Your Hartline)
3-3 (6th)
PF 473 (11th)
PA 489 (11th)

Like my patients, my team is terribly bipolar. One week I score 105, the next week I score 59. I’m one of the lowest scoring teams in the league…but no one will score any points against me! Another fun fact: I have won every game I’ve scored less than 75 points, but lost every game in which I’ve scored more. How sad is that?

My team’s kind of a mess. My RB situation is, in a word, dismal, and I’ve got a plethora of hit or miss WRs. And please, lets never talk about my QB situation. I’m going to need some luck to make it to the playoffs.

Records This Season: None, but Brian Hartline was so close with 31

Fines This Season: None


Kim Vanderzee (The One Girl)
2-3-1 (7th)
PF 478 (10th)
PA 501 (8th)

Could that tie on Kim’s record be a sign? The only time Kim made the playoffs, she snuck in with a 6-6-1 record, beating multiple 6-7 teams due to sheer luck. After pulling off the tie yet again, it’s too early to say whether or not she’ll return to the dance, but she does have a significant statistical advantage.

Her team, however, is kind of abysmal. After Tony Gonzalez, there is a big drop off in the quality of her players. I’m not counting Reggie Wayne, because I know Reggie Wayne only causes sadness. She has shown to ability to explode in a 104-82 win over Travis…though to be fair, it seems like Kim always beats Travis. She’s actually 2-3 against him all time, but if you consider that two of the losses are during her inaugural season of sadness, she’s not doing half bad.

Records This Season: None

Fines This Season: None


Scott Baker (Diaper Money)
2-3-1 (8th)
PF 447 (12th)
PA 561(1st)

It’s the rare team that manages to combine scoring the least points with getting the most points scored against him. But Scott has no ordinary team. It takes work to get beat 130 to 45. I had officially written Scott’s team off as dead…and then he drops 125 points this week after never breaking 80 in five weeks of play. Could we be reaching a turning point? Time will tell…

My guess is, however, that last week was a fluke. His players are generally terrible, and he manages to have my four least favorite RBs of all time: Shonn Greene, Peyton Hillis, DeAngelo Williams, and Donald Brown. If he had Joseph Addai he’d have the full set. Also, mark my words: Shonn Greene will never score 34 fantasy points again. Ever

Records This Season: Nate Keading in Week 1, 18 pts (#6 K)

Fines This Season: None


Jon Godin (Godin Beats It)
2-4 (9th)
PF 568 (2nd)
PA 540 (2nd)

Godin has one unlucky team. He’s scored under 80 points exactly once, and he has a 145 point game to his name. He’s the second highest scoring team, but has only two wins to show for it. The reason? Peter Emiley Syndrome (PES): no matter how many points Jon scores, his opponent scores more. The bad news for Jon is that PES is like syphilis; if you don’t treat it early, you’ve got it forever.

It’s a good thing, too, because his team is RD. He has a top 5 player at QB, RB, WR, TE, and D/ST. Watching Jon’s team lose is so ridiculous I want to set myself on fire. He’s got hands down the best team in the league. HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?

Records This Season: Aaron Rodgers Week 6, 38 pts (#4 QB, #9 Overall)

Fines This Season: None


Donel Sequea (D Sizzle)
2-4 (10th)
PF 545 (4th)
PA 538 (3rd)

Speaking of underachievers…has anyone seen Donel’s team? Here’s his scoring totals week by week: 100 – 81 - 81 - 90 - 130 – 65. Doesn’t that seem like he’d have 3, maybe 4 wins? Donel is another team whom people love to score against, early and often. Peter has clearly been spreading PES around the league. Let this be a warning to all those who get a little frisky with Peter.

Donel has six players ranked in the top 10 at their position, and three more in the top 20. Yet he’s wasting all of his roster room with 3 total QBs, which he knows he’ll never use. Almost as baffling as Jon Godin

Records This Season: None

Fines This Season: $4 (failed to start a D/ST and K in Week 2…and still beat Jason!)


Ryan Good (White Roddy’s)
2-4 (11th)
PF 515 (7th)
PA 498 (10th)

It’s funny how Donel, Godin and Ryan are alike: they’re all good teams being accidentally screwed. Let’s compare for a second. All of these teams represent teams under .500 despite PF > PA. All have generally strong line ups, but all of them just can’t seem to get it done. I really do think one of these teams will rise from the ashes, but I’m not sure who yet.

Everything I said about Donel and Godin is the same for Ryan. He’s got six top 10 players and an overall fairly strong lineup…yet he can’t win for the life of him. He’s a couple wins away from advancing 6 places, though, so the door is open.

Records This Season: None

Fines This Season: None


Peter Emiley (Hide Your ACLs)
2-4 (12th)
PF 491 (8th)
PA 500 (9th)

We’ve gotten use to Secondary PES Peter teams, the ones who score a million points but lose by one point every week. Now we’re heading into Tertiary PES territory: the gummas are taking over, and Peter is generally sucking. The worst is that he’s trending down; his past two games have been his worst two games. Here’s hoping it stays this way so we all get some easy wins down the stretch!

Peter seems to be the only person who failed to pick up a bevy of good WR. With the resurgence of Brandon Lloyd, this may be changing, but it’s odd that with all of the other teams being so WR heavy, Peter has only one Top 30 WR.

Records This Season: None

Fines This Season: None


Stay tuned later this week for Part 2. Remember, Week 7 is our first rivalry week, and I’ll be posting more about these in the next 1-2 days (likely while I’m sitting in the airport).