Let me ask...has there ever been a week when fantasy football feels less relevant? On an average week during the NFL season, I probably have 5+ conversations a week about fantasy football...with people whom I do not play fantasy football. Colleagues are talking about how the Patriot collapse fucked their lives. The nurses are discussing who is up and who is down. The residents are commiserating about their joint-league.
This week, it's like Ray Rice, Roger Goodell, and the entire poorly handled punishment/botched cover up/sad reset seems to be hanging like a cloud over everything. Watching football on Thursday (no longer on the NFL network! WHAT WILL I DO WITH MYSELF?) was really the worst. The fact that the Ravens were a) playing and b) winning convincingly did not help. Could there be a less compelling time to care about fantasy football? Probably not...but I suppose the show must go on.
I apologize for my WNQ delinquency. I could blame the baby, but she mostly just eats and sleeps on a schedule right now so I would just be lying. The specific problem I'm having is that I took off the first eleven days of the month, you know, helping with the baby, so now all I do is work all the time. So until my work schedule clears up (the last weekend of September), I'll be a bit aloof.
But not so aloof that I don't have plenty of things to say. Let's analyze Week 1.
Top Thoughts from Week 1
1) In a battle of the laughably bad, Scott beat me 74.7 to 50.3. Part of my poor showing is directly related to starting a QB who was ruled inactive at the last second, but I mean, even if Cam Newton had put up a Matt Stafford-like 30, I still would have had one of the bottom 5 scores of the week.
2) Speaking of bottom 5 scores, Scott won a game with the third worst score of any team. Travis lost despite posting the fourth highest.
3) If my bench played my starters, my starters would have eked out a win 50.3 to 42.1. This is despite the fact that benches now only have five players.
4) Without Stafford's 30-point game, Scott wouldn't have managed to beat me. I realize it's unlikely a starting QB scores 0 points, but that says something for how bad Scott also was.
5) I'd like to personally thank Ryan Davis for taking Wes Welker (and thus not allowing me to). Concussions aside, Party Monster Wes Welker will be spending four weeks spirit walking in the Rocky Mountains with glowsticks. Thank you, Ryda. Couldn't happen to a bigger douche.
6) Speaking of bad teams, Ryan Good posted the second lowest score of the week in a 72.9 to 92.8 loss to Dane. While Ryan's score is 1-800-NOTGOOD (pun intended), it isn't as bad as it seems. The -7 from the Saints D/ST hurts. If he had gotten even an average 7 points out of his defense, he'd have a perfectly respectable 87 points.
7) Non D/ST players who manage to finish with negative points hold a special place in my heart. While I particularly favor players who just can't stop making mistakes, I also enjoy those who within minutes of the game starting make a terrible error and are either injured or benched. Kudos then, to Peter's Bernard Pierce, he managed a -0.3 points for the week, making him my favorite player.
8) I TOLD EVERYONE CORDARELLE PATTERSON WOULD BE AWESOME. FUCK YOU KIM, I HATE YOU FOR DRAFTING HIM. Unless you want to trade? I'll give you Danny Woodhead.
9) Can I just take a minute to informally poll the audience? Peter Emiley (aka League Asshole) has commented that he thinks nearly all of our team names are stupid...especially the ones with player puns. I will admit puns are not for everyone, and I agree that "My Team," and "The Goods," are particularly uninspired team names. That being said..."Criminal Minds?" I get it, you've got a bunch of hoodlums on your team. News flash: all of our players are hoodlums. Even the white receiver in Denver is getting suspended for dropping acid. Is Criminal Minds the best thing you could come up with? Which is funnier: "Criminal Minds" or ANY OTHER TEAM NAME EVER?
10) Robot Jason vs Human Jason evaluation: Marshawn Lynch, so infamous drafted by Robot Jason while Human Jason was driving home from his like 8 pm Eye Flap Clinic, scored 24.4 points last week, about 1/3 of his total score. His next highest scoring player, Philip Rivers, scored just 12.5. Even factoring in that Jamaal Charles didn't do much of anything, Robot Jason is still carrying about 1/3 of the team, and no doubt will attempt to stage a coup in the next few weeks.
11) I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out which Ryan I'm going to refer to as Ryan/A and which one would be Ryan/B. Since I have nothing better to do with my time, I then hypothesized a theoretical world where Ryan Davis and Ryan Good only ever play each other, week after week, for the title of True Ryan (Tryan?). In the Battle of Ryans, Ryan Davis holds the 1-0 advantage, as he won 100.1 to 72.9 this weak over his counterpart. Since typing full names sucks, I've decided only one can retain the title of "Ryan," and whoever wins the Ryan battle will from hence forth be the only Ryan, as far as I'm concerned. In the case of a loss, I'll refer to Davis only as Ginger. For Ryan Good, it will be Streaker.
12) Both Drew and Travis look like they could go all the way, based off my extremely large sample size of 1. That being said, I relish every Travis loss (since they happen so infrequently, it's fun to consider the ramifications of his 0-1 start before his inevitable march to the playoffs), especially when he was one start of Knowshon Moreno or Chris Ivory away from total victory.
13) Remember how much money was spent on Jimmy Graham[$54]? Well, Julius Thomas[$26] scored 28.4 points, and Jimmy Graham scored 8.2. I've have repeatedly railed on the fact that a TE needs to be pretty damn good to be 2-54 times as expensive as the fifth best alternative, and I'll be watching closely how Mr. Graham performs this season. I feel like I'll be vindicated.
14) Of the six winners last week, four of them were Kim, Dane, Ryan Davis, and Donel. What do you suppose the Vegas odds on this quartet winning their first game? 100-1? 200-1?
Not to knock on any of the individual teams (except Dane's, whose is the worst), but I'll admit none of said teams have a legacy of victory (caveat: technically Dane always makes the playoffs. n=1), and the season is still young, but I'll be interested to see if we see some shake up in the rankings this year...assuming that doesn't mean I stay in 12th for the rest of the season.
Free Agent Auction: Gearing up for Week 2
In perhaps the biggest story of the week, Jason managed to pay only a scant $6 for a player on the FAA. At this point last year, Jason had under $10, so clearly he is making important strides.
Picking up where he left off, meanwhile, is Donel, who paid $57 this week for the exciting quarter of James Starks (i.e.: just the worst RB ever), Justin "Chronic Underperformer" Forsett, Josh Gordon (who?) and Delanie Walker (who 2x?). I am confident this will work out well for him. Meanwhile, Ryan Good picked up Kelvin Benjamin for $27. Finally, besides some D/ST changes no one cares about, I picked up Jake Locker in an attempt to field a QB this week. Fingers crossed.
I will admit to absolutely loving the free agent auction. Specifically, I love logging in and snickering to myself how much people think certain players are worth when, clearly, no one else thought this.
This week, however, we got the opposite: drama. I love FAA drama. Let's start at the top...
Kelvin Benjamin
Winning bid: Ryan Good, $27
Runner Up: Ryan Davis $15
Better Luck Next Time: Travis $3
I will go on record saying $27 for a rookie WR after Week 1 who was playing with the backup QB is a risky proposition. On one hand, maybe he only gets better when Cam Newton returns. On the other, maybe Cam Newton finds the name Kelvin pretentious, and doesn't trust WRs with two first names. Benjamin remains a risky prospect at best, and Ryan Good clearly expected the going price to be more along the lines of $25, not the measly $15 Ryan Davis put up.
I also love when there is an expensive bidding war and someone puts in a bid not even in the same time zone as what everyone else was bidding. Nice $3 bid, Travis. Real strong. I will stop to point out that Travis is the least likely person to bet the house on nonsense, though, so he may end up as the real winner here.
Justin Forsett
Winning bid: Donel $22
Runner Up: Peter $18
Also In Contention: Dane $16
Better Luck Next Time: Kim $10, Jason $6
This was by far the best FAA, a five person duel with three bids within $6 (also, Kim bidding on a former Seahawk, and Jason erroneously listening to the advice we've given him to spend less $$$). You gotta feel for Peter and Dane, who clearly recognized the value of picking up Forsett but were unable to snag him. Despite the high price tag, Donel barely overbid. Very smart
Josh Gordon
Winning bid: Donel $15
Ha ha: Peter $1
This is the exact opposite situation of what I just described. Dumb Donel.
Jake Locker
Winning bid: Rob $5
Runner up: Ryan Good...$5
The first tie breaker bid of the season, and I come out victorious! I suppose it pays to be in 12th place and to break all FAA ties. I considered bidding $1, as I thought, "who else could possibly want a QB right now?" Good job, me.
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