Tip: If you missed last week's post, I'm archiving this stuff at http://ichooseweswelker.blogspot.com/I don't really enjoy writing these as much when my team blow major ass chunks, but I guess it gives me time to reflect. Reflect on how JAY CUTLER OUTSCORES BRETT FAVRE BY 20+ points (not enough for me to have actually won, of course), while Hines Ward gets a big 'ol zero. WHERE'S MY PANIC BUTTON? College football has been good to me this season. But with my fantasy loss and the Patriots looking like a sack of Virgina Tech against James Madison, my Sunday sucked. I want to play COLLEGE fantasy football. At least then I won't be so mad on Sundays that I won't be able to sleep or eat. Truuuuuue story.
I don't think we'll have a clear view of how things are going to shake out until about week 4 or 5. But as we're living in the now, I'll review a few facts.
1) We have two undefeated teams...but neither of the top two scorers are amongst them. Donel and Drew are out first two teams over 200 points, but both suffered a couple tough fought losses (while anemic Peter was feasting on cupcake Scott's sweet, sweet remains).
2) We have two winless teams...but neither of the bottom two scorers are amongst them. Peter has scored just 111 points in two weeks...and has a win! (Mmm...cupcake Scott...so delicious) Ryan "119" Good also managed a win...against bloodless, pale Peter. That brings me to my next point...
3) Both of the cruel overlords of our league are 0-2. What did I say about their teams sucking? Don't get me wrong, mine sucks too. But look! 0-2! Can you imagine how satisfying it would be to be a part of a Fever-Baker free playoff?
4) Let's all bow our heads for a moment of silence for our Heartbreak game of the week: Kim 84, Donel 83. Tough loss, Donel, but at least you still have one of the best teams.
5) Peter, I found a new image you can use for your fantasy football logo. I thought it was fitting, keeping to your airplane theme and all, in light of your team's newfound...prowess.
Text messages of the Week!
Kyle: "Favre's good."
Kyle: [in regards to my benching Cutler for Favre] "Great call. You might win the comissioner trophy this week."
Rob: 100% chance not starting Cutler costs me this game [Editor's note: It didn't]
Kyle: 100% chance you lose to a superior opponent
Awards Roundup
Commissioner's Spotlight on Awesomeness: To Hasselback's Last Stand
Sorry, Drew, I know you had the most points this week, but that's another award. This is for Kim's surprising rise to power. Who knew this would happen? I didn't. Around Week 10 last year (around which time Kim was...1-9?), I said to myself gosh, Kim blows at fantasy football. That may still end up being true. But as of now she's looking pretty good. Now if I could just get her to trade some players to me...
Commissioner's Blackout on Suckiness: Mile High Club
Why is this award not going to me? A few reasons.
1) I would have beaten Peter by one, measly point if we had played head to head this week. That's right, he sucked worse than I did.
2) True, I benched Jay Cutler (23 pts) for Brett Favre (1 point). At the same time, Peter benched Donovan McNabb (21 points) for Joe Flacco (3 points).
3) My benching my best QB made no difference in the outcome of my game. For Peter's it would have meant a win
4) Peter's team was awful last week, too, and I felt bad not giving him some recognition for that
5) I can do what I want
Gold Medal of Managerial Excellence: The Frum! LeSean McCoy, 30 points
I'm not ashamed that I had to look up his first name. Drew, I wouldn't expect LeSean to be repeating this feat in the near future.
P.S.: What's with names like LeSean and DeSean? Adding nonsense syllables in front of Sean is not cool or edgy. At least make the name dignified and add an apostrophe. How much cooler would it be if L'Sean McCoy had won the award this week? 47x cooler, to be exact.
Scrub Starters of the Week
Rob: Hines Ward, 0 pts
Rob: Carolina D/ST, 0 pts
Jason: Devon Aromashadu, 0 pts
Peter: Brandon Jacobs, 0 pts
Mohammed Massaquoi, 0 pts
Kim: Pats D/ST, -1 pts
Power Rankings
1) Donel (last week:1)
I'm sticking with this ship. Donel might have gotten the big L this week, but let's look at the facts. He's #1 in points for (the #1 tiebraker for the playoffs), has his only loss to a top 3 team (more on that below), and it's not like his team was bad this week...Kim's was just better. He's going to need to suck it up next week to drop too far down this list.
2) Kyle (last week: 5)
What a meteoric rise! Two weeks ago I had Kyle ranked #7. Whoops! Told y'all I'm no expert. Kyle's team isn't really all that flashy (#3 in points scored), and his players (beside Peyton) don't really score that well. But there's a lot of them and they're consistent. Plus, he's a lucky son of a bitch. Kyle's got the kind of team that's going to lose when his opponent blows up (because I don't really see his team exploding into the 110s), but if you're not putting up good numbers you're not going to get an easy win against Buffalo. I mean Kyle, not the Bills, because everyone gets an easy win vs. the Bills.
3) Kim (last week: 3)
Speaking of meteoric rises...Kim proves she's no one hit wonder against Donel. My lingering concern: her team is as shallow as a seven year old's vagina. Jonathan Stewart is her #2 RB and...Kevin Faulk is her #3. Kevin Faulk! If you have a patriots running back in your top 6, you're looking at trouble. She's got the talent to carry her right now, but when she gets into injuries and bye weeks she has a real chance of bottoming out. Still, 2-0 is 2-0. No drop this week.
4) Drew (last week: 4)
I was riding high on Drew's team last week and he showed me why with his league high 112 points this week. He's also leaning on his power players (his WRs suck), but when you've got 30 players above 25 points in a week, you better win.
5) Travis (last week: 6)
So not impressed by Travis' 9 point win this week. You can't expect the Steelers D/ST to put up 28 points week in and week out, and without that he's a mid 70s to low 80s team at best unless he gets a monster game from Romo. Also, as a sidenote: Travis, stop trying to make Michael Turner happen. He will never return to glory.
6) Me (last week: 2)
Wretched week, huh? So I made some poor managerial decisions, but overall I just underperformed. PS: Since when has it been so goddamned hard to get an average D/ST and kicker in this league? In two weeks those positions combined have scored me a whopping 6 points (my D/ST contributed -1 of those points). I still am not too mad at my team. I've got needs at this point, but who doesn't? Also, I get to play Peter this week, which is usually good for a pick me up.
7) Scott (last week: 8)
Scott's team: not as bad as originally thought! 89 points is nothing to scoff at. A sad victim to the Steelers D/ST this week, I think Scott's team has more of an upside than the following three scrubs. That being said, he's 0-2. On the plus side, that Michael Vick pickup may prove much better than Jason's $75 RB.
8) Ryan (last week: 9)
I have very little good to say about Ryan's team except that he won this week. Yay! Is this not vintage Ryan? Third lowest point total in the league and he wins. I just had flashbacks to all of last season. I made fun of him for how poorly his big three played last week, but this week they did net him 50 points. However, that means the rest of his team managed just 19 points amongst them. He gets a slight uptick in ranking for the fact that his bench looked strong, but a big downtick for starting Fred Taylor. What were you thinking?
9) Jason (last week: 7)
Did you know that if you took out Matt Schaub and Antonio Gates, Jason scored 33 pts this week? Uh oh! His RBs combined got 43 points last week...oh wait, that's ALL SIX OF HIS RBs combined, with none over 9 pts. I know Jason. He's going to be making some moves...eventually. It's weird that we're not a very trade-friendly league, because it seems like Jason would be trying to do some moving and shaking with what he's got...but oh well. Oh yea, if you want anything that you're afraid Jason will go after, big $3 and it's untouchable. Fun fact!
10) Peter (last week: 10)
Look, I know this is going to come back and haunt me and that Peter will put up 150 points next week. But right now his. team. is. awful. He has no depth on his bench (take out McNabb, who he should have started, and they combined for 17 points last week), and his starters are bad to begin with (he started seven players with under 6 fantasy points this week, including two 0 pointers). Damage control? Perennial bottom feeders weeee!
Week 3 Fearless Predictions
No more pushes predicted from me from now on because I want to track my prognosticating (ie, guessing) skills. To the matchups!
Cutler My Wrists (formerly Rome Was Built In Addai) [1-1] vs. Mile High Club [1-1]
This should be a win for me, assuming I don't somehow bench all my stars again. Which I am prone to do. Still, I'm going to predict a double digit victory for myself because I think it's important to stay positive.
Prediction: Rob by 11
The Frum [1-1] at Team Buffalo [2-0]
Ooh, tough match up! As I said before, I find Kyle's team solid to Drew's spotty explosiveness. This all comes down to whether or not I think his team has a chance of blowing up this week. My verdict? Probably not enough this week. I don't think Frank Gore is going to get 30 fantasy points vs. KC defense. Also, so far this season Chicago has been pretty frugal for the passing game, so I'm not expecting 30 from Rodgers either. LeSean might blow up again, but I think Kyle will pull it out in a close one
Prediction: Kyle by 2
The Goods [1-1] at Favre From Over [0-2]
Ryan has yet to prove himself able to score over 70 points this season. And all of his big three have unfavorable match ups (Atlanta has given up just 7 total points to QBs...admittedly, though, they were facing terrible scrubs). And I for one believe the Michael Vick led team of Favre From Over is going to prove that their season is, in fact, not over (ha ha).
Prediction: Scott by 9
D Money All Day [1-1] at Team Langley [1-1]
I like some of Travis' match ups this week, especially Randy Moss vs. the Bills (fantasy gold mine!) and Tony Romo vs. Houston. That being said: Travis! Michael Turner sucks!
Prediction: Donel by 5
Hasselbeck's Last Stand [2-0] at Colt McFev [0-2]
Tom Brady and Wes Welker vs. Buffalo? Adrian Petersen and Visanthe Shiancoe vs. Detroit? Can you say blowout?
Prediction: Kim by 20
Final Postscript
I saw the premiere of Hawaii 5-0 last night. I think Drew would like it, mostly because the main female character is this:
I don't even like asian girls, but I can make an exception.
Snap back to reality
Oh! There goes gravity
Oh! There goes Brett Favre he choked
Rob's so mad
But he won't give up that easy
No he won't have it
He knows his running backs are a joke
It don't matter Wayne's dope
Rob knows that, but Lee's broke
His team's stagnant and he knows
When he goes back to Ann Arbor, that's when it's
Rob's gonna lose again yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture some free agents and hope they don't pass him
Oh! There goes gravity
Oh! There goes Brett Favre he choked
Rob's so mad
But he won't give up that easy
No he won't have it
He knows his running backs are a joke
It don't matter Wayne's dope
Rob knows that, but Lee's broke
His team's stagnant and he knows
When he goes back to Ann Arbor, that's when it's
Rob's gonna lose again yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture some free agents and hope they don't pass him
I don't think we'll have a clear view of how things are going to shake out until about week 4 or 5. But as we're living in the now, I'll review a few facts.
1) We have two undefeated teams...but neither of the top two scorers are amongst them. Donel and Drew are out first two teams over 200 points, but both suffered a couple tough fought losses (while anemic Peter was feasting on cupcake Scott's sweet, sweet remains).
2) We have two winless teams...but neither of the bottom two scorers are amongst them. Peter has scored just 111 points in two weeks...and has a win! (Mmm...cupcake Scott...so delicious) Ryan "119" Good also managed a win...against bloodless, pale Peter. That brings me to my next point...
3) Both of the cruel overlords of our league are 0-2. What did I say about their teams sucking? Don't get me wrong, mine sucks too. But look! 0-2! Can you imagine how satisfying it would be to be a part of a Fever-Baker free playoff?
4) Let's all bow our heads for a moment of silence for our Heartbreak game of the week: Kim 84, Donel 83. Tough loss, Donel, but at least you still have one of the best teams.
5) Peter, I found a new image you can use for your fantasy football logo. I thought it was fitting, keeping to your airplane theme and all, in light of your team's newfound...prowess.
Text messages of the Week!
Kyle: "Favre's good."
Kyle: [in regards to my benching Cutler for Favre] "Great call. You might win the comissioner trophy this week."
Rob: 100% chance not starting Cutler costs me this game [Editor's note: It didn't]
Kyle: 100% chance you lose to a superior opponent
Awards Roundup
Commissioner's Spotlight on Awesomeness: To Hasselback's Last Stand
Sorry, Drew, I know you had the most points this week, but that's another award. This is for Kim's surprising rise to power. Who knew this would happen? I didn't. Around Week 10 last year (around which time Kim was...1-9?), I said to myself gosh, Kim blows at fantasy football. That may still end up being true. But as of now she's looking pretty good. Now if I could just get her to trade some players to me...
Commissioner's Blackout on Suckiness: Mile High Club
Why is this award not going to me? A few reasons.
1) I would have beaten Peter by one, measly point if we had played head to head this week. That's right, he sucked worse than I did.
2) True, I benched Jay Cutler (23 pts) for Brett Favre (1 point). At the same time, Peter benched Donovan McNabb (21 points) for Joe Flacco (3 points).
3) My benching my best QB made no difference in the outcome of my game. For Peter's it would have meant a win
4) Peter's team was awful last week, too, and I felt bad not giving him some recognition for that
5) I can do what I want
Gold Medal of Managerial Excellence: The Frum! LeSean McCoy, 30 points
I'm not ashamed that I had to look up his first name. Drew, I wouldn't expect LeSean to be repeating this feat in the near future.
P.S.: What's with names like LeSean and DeSean? Adding nonsense syllables in front of Sean is not cool or edgy. At least make the name dignified and add an apostrophe. How much cooler would it be if L'Sean McCoy had won the award this week? 47x cooler, to be exact.
Scrub Starters of the Week
Rob: Hines Ward, 0 pts
Rob: Carolina D/ST, 0 pts
Jason: Devon Aromashadu, 0 pts
Peter: Brandon Jacobs, 0 pts
Mohammed Massaquoi, 0 pts
Kim: Pats D/ST, -1 pts
Power Rankings
1) Donel (last week:1)
I'm sticking with this ship. Donel might have gotten the big L this week, but let's look at the facts. He's #1 in points for (the #1 tiebraker for the playoffs), has his only loss to a top 3 team (more on that below), and it's not like his team was bad this week...Kim's was just better. He's going to need to suck it up next week to drop too far down this list.
2) Kyle (last week: 5)
What a meteoric rise! Two weeks ago I had Kyle ranked #7. Whoops! Told y'all I'm no expert. Kyle's team isn't really all that flashy (#3 in points scored), and his players (beside Peyton) don't really score that well. But there's a lot of them and they're consistent. Plus, he's a lucky son of a bitch. Kyle's got the kind of team that's going to lose when his opponent blows up (because I don't really see his team exploding into the 110s), but if you're not putting up good numbers you're not going to get an easy win against Buffalo. I mean Kyle, not the Bills, because everyone gets an easy win vs. the Bills.
3) Kim (last week: 3)
Speaking of meteoric rises...Kim proves she's no one hit wonder against Donel. My lingering concern: her team is as shallow as a seven year old's vagina. Jonathan Stewart is her #2 RB and...Kevin Faulk is her #3. Kevin Faulk! If you have a patriots running back in your top 6, you're looking at trouble. She's got the talent to carry her right now, but when she gets into injuries and bye weeks she has a real chance of bottoming out. Still, 2-0 is 2-0. No drop this week.
4) Drew (last week: 4)
I was riding high on Drew's team last week and he showed me why with his league high 112 points this week. He's also leaning on his power players (his WRs suck), but when you've got 30 players above 25 points in a week, you better win.
5) Travis (last week: 6)
So not impressed by Travis' 9 point win this week. You can't expect the Steelers D/ST to put up 28 points week in and week out, and without that he's a mid 70s to low 80s team at best unless he gets a monster game from Romo. Also, as a sidenote: Travis, stop trying to make Michael Turner happen. He will never return to glory.
6) Me (last week: 2)
Wretched week, huh? So I made some poor managerial decisions, but overall I just underperformed. PS: Since when has it been so goddamned hard to get an average D/ST and kicker in this league? In two weeks those positions combined have scored me a whopping 6 points (my D/ST contributed -1 of those points). I still am not too mad at my team. I've got needs at this point, but who doesn't? Also, I get to play Peter this week, which is usually good for a pick me up.
7) Scott (last week: 8)
Scott's team: not as bad as originally thought! 89 points is nothing to scoff at. A sad victim to the Steelers D/ST this week, I think Scott's team has more of an upside than the following three scrubs. That being said, he's 0-2. On the plus side, that Michael Vick pickup may prove much better than Jason's $75 RB.
8) Ryan (last week: 9)
I have very little good to say about Ryan's team except that he won this week. Yay! Is this not vintage Ryan? Third lowest point total in the league and he wins. I just had flashbacks to all of last season. I made fun of him for how poorly his big three played last week, but this week they did net him 50 points. However, that means the rest of his team managed just 19 points amongst them. He gets a slight uptick in ranking for the fact that his bench looked strong, but a big downtick for starting Fred Taylor. What were you thinking?
9) Jason (last week: 7)
Did you know that if you took out Matt Schaub and Antonio Gates, Jason scored 33 pts this week? Uh oh! His RBs combined got 43 points last week...oh wait, that's ALL SIX OF HIS RBs combined, with none over 9 pts. I know Jason. He's going to be making some moves...eventually. It's weird that we're not a very trade-friendly league, because it seems like Jason would be trying to do some moving and shaking with what he's got...but oh well. Oh yea, if you want anything that you're afraid Jason will go after, big $3 and it's untouchable. Fun fact!
10) Peter (last week: 10)
Look, I know this is going to come back and haunt me and that Peter will put up 150 points next week. But right now his. team. is. awful. He has no depth on his bench (take out McNabb, who he should have started, and they combined for 17 points last week), and his starters are bad to begin with (he started seven players with under 6 fantasy points this week, including two 0 pointers). Damage control? Perennial bottom feeders weeee!
Week 3 Fearless Predictions
No more pushes predicted from me from now on because I want to track my prognosticating (ie, guessing) skills. To the matchups!
Cutler My Wrists (formerly Rome Was Built In Addai) [1-1] vs. Mile High Club [1-1]
This should be a win for me, assuming I don't somehow bench all my stars again. Which I am prone to do. Still, I'm going to predict a double digit victory for myself because I think it's important to stay positive.
Prediction: Rob by 11
The Frum [1-1] at Team Buffalo [2-0]
Ooh, tough match up! As I said before, I find Kyle's team solid to Drew's spotty explosiveness. This all comes down to whether or not I think his team has a chance of blowing up this week. My verdict? Probably not enough this week. I don't think Frank Gore is going to get 30 fantasy points vs. KC defense. Also, so far this season Chicago has been pretty frugal for the passing game, so I'm not expecting 30 from Rodgers either. LeSean might blow up again, but I think Kyle will pull it out in a close one
Prediction: Kyle by 2
The Goods [1-1] at Favre From Over [0-2]
Ryan has yet to prove himself able to score over 70 points this season. And all of his big three have unfavorable match ups (Atlanta has given up just 7 total points to QBs...admittedly, though, they were facing terrible scrubs). And I for one believe the Michael Vick led team of Favre From Over is going to prove that their season is, in fact, not over (ha ha).
Prediction: Scott by 9
D Money All Day [1-1] at Team Langley [1-1]
I like some of Travis' match ups this week, especially Randy Moss vs. the Bills (fantasy gold mine!) and Tony Romo vs. Houston. That being said: Travis! Michael Turner sucks!
Prediction: Donel by 5
Hasselbeck's Last Stand [2-0] at Colt McFev [0-2]
Tom Brady and Wes Welker vs. Buffalo? Adrian Petersen and Visanthe Shiancoe vs. Detroit? Can you say blowout?
Prediction: Kim by 20
Final Postscript
I saw the premiere of Hawaii 5-0 last night. I think Drew would like it, mostly because the main female character is this:
I don't even like asian girls, but I can make an exception.
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